Posted by: Donna Cunningham | January 17, 2009

Relationship Patterns of Venus-Neptune Aspects

©2007 by Donna Cunningham, MSW

 v2-2014-OPIL-220x300Note:  This is an excerpt from a long chapter on Venus-Neptune aspects in the 2014 Edition of Outer Planet Aspects to Venus and Mars: The Outer Planets and Inner Life, volume 2. It’s available at

Given that each individual is extremely complex — as complex as the totality of a natal chart — then what happens when two people relate is complicated indeed. Looking at a single Venus or Mars aspect doesn’t begin to cover all the dimensions of our relationships. Still, in my astrological practice over the past 40 years, I’ve seen thousands of people with each major Venus aspect. Stripped of individual details, larger patterns appear that reveal how alike these people can be in important ways. *You may find some of the same characteristics we are about the discuss in those who have Venus in Pisces or Venus in the 12th house.)

There’s something worth learning by taking this view, something that happens when you see people as a group rather than individually. It becomes sociological rather than psychological. It’s not the sociology of WASPs or Black Urban Professionals or Southern Baptists; it’s the sociology of thrice-married Venusians with hard aspects to Neptune. Depending on the signs of Venus and Neptune, the romantic details may vary considerably, but the overall dynamics tend to be the same, as are the results.

Let’s use the square as an example. Maybe the bohemian earth mother in New York’s Soho district with Venus in Cancer square Neptune in Liwmlooklove-a2dbra tries to nurture the sensitive artist. He smokes pot daily and can’t seem to paint anymore, but he won’t marry her because he’s married to his art. Perhaps the gal in the trailer park with Venus in Sagittarius square Neptune in Virgo loves a biker. He’s always on the road with his motorcycle gang and only visits her in the middle of the night, when the rest of the gang has passed out and he wants a little loving.

Then, for contrast, there’s the socialite with Venus in Capricorn square Neptune in Libra whose 40-year-old lover works 70 hours a week and drinks himself insensible to unwind. He’s out of town on a business trip and forgets her birthday, and he won’t commit to her until he makes his first million. Then he finally makes the million but devastates Ms. Venus-Neptune square when he ups and chooses a 23-year-old trophy wife instead.

As you can see, the details are very, very different. The sign and house of Venus have everything do with who plucks at our heartstrings – why the one with Venus in Capricorn goes for up-and-coming executives while the one with Venus in Sag can’t resist biker after biker. Yet, how different is the bottom line? All three of these individuals with Venus-Neptune squares wind up repeatedly getting involved with men who can’t commit, who have an addiction or two, and who are unavailable in vital ways that leave the woman feeling drained, used, and unloved.

Men with Venus-Neptune squares are by no means immune to the pattern. It’s typical for them to yearn for years after a heartbreaker they rescue from an abusive relationship and help her get back on her feet, only to see her fall for still another brute.

v2-2014-OPIL-220x300As crucial as the details admittedly are to the individual involved, the pattern is what is instructive. The patterns I’ve discerned over the years give me an idea of what may be going on with the next Venus-Neptune man or woman who calls in anguish about that elusive current lover.

From Donna’s ebook Outer Planet Aspects to Venus and For excerpts from more of Donna’s ebooks see the category “Bits from Donna’s Books” on this blog.  

Want more information on Venus-Neptune Aspects?  Annie Heese at   wrote an excellent article about these aspects  on her blog at this link:

More Articles about Relationships &Venus on this Blog: Donna Cunningham Skywriter Mars

For more Articles on Relationship Issues on Skywriter, see the category Relationship Help: 

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