Venus-Saturn Aspects—Waiting for Love

©2009 by Donna Cunningham, MSW

While tough aspects between Venus and the inner planets can show relationship challenges, they’re easier to deal with than the difficulties that can arise when Venus is in hard aspect to the outermost planets—Saturn, Uranus, Nep­tune, and Pluto. Hard aspects include conjunctions, semisquares, squares, quincunxes, and oppositions. I find the conjunctions to Venus the most difficult, but all such aspects can indicate challenges in forming relationships.

One of the most poignant is between Saturn and Venus–or Venus in Capricorn, Saturn’s sign–for these are often quality folks. They’ve worked hard to improve themselves and to get somewhere in life, only to discover, when they finally get there, that they’re still waiting for a mate to share it. (You may also see some of the same patterns when Saturn is in the 7th house natally.) 

Why would this be the case? The various combinations of Venus and Saturn can make it hard for the person to form relation­ships and to feel love-worthy. Generally one or both parents were Saturnian in the negative sense–rather cold, rigid, somber, authoritarian and unable to show affection. Often, they saw the child mostly as an extra responsibility, an added burden, or even as coming in the way of their own goals and ambitions.

The parents could not love the playful, childish qualities of their offspring, so the child learned to grow up fast in order not to experience the parents’ displeasure. The only way to please the parents was to be as Saturnian as they were, so the child learned that the only way to be “loved” was to be serious, business-like, responsible, and successful…a model child.

The Venus-Saturn aspect often entails a “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” set-up. The child with this aspect has to be self-reliant in order to please the parent. However, the more self-reliant the child is, the more the parent withdraws, grateful that the child no longer needs much of their time and attention.

(These parents don’t recognize emotional needs as valid reasons to detract them from other duties.) Therefore, being responsible and reliable also brings about loss of closeness, and so the child is in a bind—whatever he does, he loses.

Saturn relates to time and maturity. Saturn’s current (transiting) sign and the angles it forms to planets in the birth chart trigger the typical stages of maturation in our lives. With an orbit around the Sun that lasts 29.46 years, transiting Saturn makes especially strong aspects to its original place in our chart every seven years—at seven, when we’re really getting involved with school, at 14, when we’re teenagers, and at 21, when we’re legally adults.

Naturally, for the Venus-Saturn person, each time transiting Saturn aspects its natal place, it forms an aspect to natal Venus as well; so each of these periods of growth, accomplishment, maturing, and taking on of responsibility brings progressively less parental support. Experiences like this make it hard for these individuals to trust others to fulfill their needs.

They learned from their parents that they can’t be loved if they aren’t Saturnian, and that they can’t be loved if they are Saturnian either, so their logical conclusion would be that they can’t be loved at all. They can feel deprived of love; as protection against that painful feeling, they may build walls against the world. The wall winds up reinforcing their feeling of being unlovable, because sooner or later other people stop trying to get through it.

I’ve observed one pattern that sometimes goes with these aspects and that can create a set of difficulties in finding a mate. The aspect is sometimes found in upwardly mobile young people, especially girls.  In fact, I’d say the oldest child/oldest daughter is the most common.

Because of family responsibilities and poor parental modeling, they might be called developmentally delayed in the social graces. They are often unaware of and even blind to the nuances and hints that guide the more subtle of social interactions, especially in the male-female realm. They don’t know and thus don’t give off the signals that potential partners are looking for. (All this happens on a nonverbal and generally subliminal level.) Yes, they do learn social skills in maturity and can even achieve a degree of elegance.

Young people with this aspect can be spared some of the difficulties by undertaking remedial education in the social graces. Observe all social interactions intently, especially the courtship behaviors. Even casual interactions and flirtations are worth acute study. Social skills are as learnable as any other skill–we just have to work a little harder at it if we didn’t absorb it naturally at home.

And, since the older mentor is one gift common to this aspect, perhaps you can find some kindly soul to take you under their wing and coach you. That way, by conscious work on the missing skills, you won’t be 50 and still waiting. And those past one or more of the Saturn returns can also learn some of Venus’ graces and improve their chances, too.

The positive side of a Venus-Saturn aspect is that they don’t get older–they get better. Late bloomers, they may have been plain, awkward teenagers but suddenly become beauties in their 30s or 40s. Nor do they age as harshly as other folks—they may look years younger than their peers.

Their popularity improves with age, too—seriousness doesn’t endear adolescents to their peers but is expected of the middle-aged and older. They build a support group of significant others over time, and these connections tend to be long-lasting. Through their serious approach to life, they can also achieve a great deal in the way of accomplishments that earn them respect. As they accomplish some of their important goals, they tend to relax and feel worthy of pleasure-—they’ve paid their dues.

Who are the Venus-Saturn People? Celebrities  born with Venus and Saturn conjunct—the strongest connection between these two planets—include Matt Damon, Donald Trump, Denzel Washington, Ashley Judd, Vanessa Williams, Queen Latifah, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Sean Penn.

Note: This is an excerpt from my ebook, Outer Planet Aspects to Venus and Mars: The Outer Planets and Inner Life, Volume 2, available at moonmavenpublications.com.

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More Articles about Relationships &Venus on this Blog:

• Venus-Saturn Aspects—Good Qualities You Wouldn’t Suspect
• Venus-Uranus Aspects among the Glitterati
• Venus-Uranus Aspects: Two-Minute Friends and other Modern Relationships
• Relationship Patterns of Venus-Neptune Aspects: The Sociology of Thrice-Married Venusians
• Difficult Neptune Aspects in Chart Comparison
• The Steamy Side of Venus-Pluto Aspects—A Photo Gallery
• High Maintenance–a Venus-Pluto Vignette
• Venus in the Elements: Fire, Earth, Air, & Water

More Posts about Saturn on this Blog:

• Saturn’s Delays and Why We Should Embrace Them
• Why Saturn has as much to do with Luck as Jupiter
• Quotes about Saturn’s Issues—Wise Counsel from our Elders
• Some Life Patterns of People with Uranus-Saturn Aspects in the Birth Chart
• The Uranus-Saturn Opposition is Exact Today!
• Saturn Transits—What do They Mean to your Career?
• Taming Transiting Saturn–Guest Blogger Elizabeth Spring
• Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself
• Saturn Transits the 7th House—a Rare Interview with Father Time Himself
• Saturn Transits—What do They Mean to your Career?
• The Saturn-Neptune Quincunx and its Part in our Economic Woes

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