Posted by: Donna Cunningham | August 26, 2009

Clients Say the Darndest Things!

©2008 by Donna Cunningham

  As I’ve struggled to explain chart features to clients and beginning students over the years, they often delight me with pithy observations that capture the essence of an astrological placement.  I couldn’t say it better, so they’re often quoted in my writings.  Here are some memorable examples.

cancercrabgrabs-a2d A colorful member of the astrology class I taught at an alcohol treatment center had several planets in Cancer.  Of his love life, he warned, “When the Crab grabs, watch out!”

 Another student in that center insisted, “It seems to me like Aquarians are playing with a 51-card deck.”

 In the midst of a session on stelliums, a student marveled, “That’s a lot of kilowatts in one section of the sky!”

 A student with Venus in Gemini and a rather varied love life described that placement as, “a problem in concentration.” 

 A much-divorced client said of her stellium, “I blame my marriage problems on that four-car pileup in my seventh house.”

A rather stodgy insurance salesman whose wife had sent him to me to sort out a rough patch in his career explained, “I’m here becausqmarkman2-a2de I need a mid-course correction.”

Trying to put a positive spin on a client’s strong Neptune, I assured him there were times when he was going with the flow and could trust his impulses. He shook his head. “I’m never sure if I’m going with the flow or just hopelessly lost.”

As I lectured on the qualities of a Plutonian type, an audience member raised her hand. “From what you’re saying, Plutonians don’t have relationships; they take hostages.”

 Note:  This article comes from a unit on adding vivid detail to your writing in my Email Course–Writing Articles.

What about you, readers? Have any of your clients, students, or astrology buddies said any funny things? Share them with us in the comments section.  (WARNING: All truly hilarious comments are likely to be stolen! But then, Mercury, the primary indicator of humor in a chart was also the Patron Saint of Thieves in Roman mythology. )

While we’re on the subject of astrological humor, I’d like to say that I have THE funniest subscribers of anyone in the blogosphere, I swear to God.  Some of the comments on various posts were funnier than anything I might have said in the post itself–see , for instance The Law of Progressive Annoyance—Mars or Jupiter?  But the funniest comments on that post were the ones sent to me privately by people who apparently didn’t want the rest of you to know they did standup. (Relax, your secret is safe with me.)

My funniest subscribers and commentators over the long haul are the following, presented in alphabetical order so none of them decide to roast me. I’m going to get them all as guest bloggers eventually.   

Visit their blogs–they all have wonderful material to share.  


  1. Thanks Donna…love your sense of humor

  2. Great quotes! Just goes to show that even “laymen” get it.

  3. At a party a few years ago, a new young friend about five years old explained to me that her parents were really into astrology. What sign are you? I asked. She paused and then blurted out “I’m a CANDYCORN!” Being a Capricorn myself, I had to smile.

    • How cute is that! Children have such a delightful way with language. Donna

  4. “CANDYCORN.” Sweet!

  5. Good one! I don’t do stand-up…(rarely leave my house), but off the top of my head:
    “I’m a Morpheo”.
    “I’m a where go”.
    “I’m a whenami”.
    “I’m an I sees”.
    “I’m a Caprimourn”.
    “I’m a more us”.
    “I’m a sagaSAYrian”.
    “I’m a Meo”.
    “I’m acurious”.
    LOL, don’t get me started!

    • I am a Meo and I love this. Thanks, Berta!

      • I have Meo rising myself. Donna

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