©12-16-09 by Donna Cunningham, MSW
I’m an extremely private person by nature, so I often find blogging a terrifying act. I’ve resolved to be more self-revealing in my writing, but often feel a lurch of fear in my stomach when I hit the “publish” button on a post like Mars Alert—Code Red! Then I spend the afternoon restraining myself from going back and deleting it, so I’ve taken that option off the table.
Thanks to readers’ heartfelt responses to that post, I’m relearning a lesson I’d learned in group therapy years ago but tend to forget—that I’m not so different from others after all. (Group therapy is often the last choice for a Plutonian type, and yet it’s powerful in breaking down that sense of isolation and shame so many of us carry around.)
Your comments assured me that what I’m feeling, many others are feeling as well. The replies to yesterday’s post were very moving—both the ones in the comment section and the ones that came by email this morning. I’ve asked several of them for permission to share their words here today.
Belle writes about how an annoying situation today triggered grief from the past:
“Thank You, Thank You… Today I was in a Slow boil, because I could not find a Toys for Tots drop off location nearby. Which is just ridiculous…
“Then as I sat with it, I recalled the year we were so poor we received charity gifts, and they were deplorable, cheap plastic throwaways that only the desperate might appreciate. I called my adult son in Portland, OR and asked if he remembered, he did… and another layer peeled away.
“My volcano is like an onion though… it has so many layers and such complex threads that need unravelling. I can hardly bear to watch tv… In fact, I have been watching silly Youtube videos to calm myself today. But I will keep this in mind before I dare go out again.
Larry Fowler of Northernlighte.blogspot.com offers this memory of how he mastered his rage:
“I understand what you’re saying about the grief. My wife and I feel it, too. Strongly. But I do not feel the rage, perhaps because I used to BE rage many years ago.
“I recognized it one day shooting pool with someone vastly better than I; I was trying to learn and was becoming extremely frustrated. I missed a shot and the rage came out. I literally threw my stick on the floor and swore like a sailor – or a cop. My opponent, my teacher, my mentor said to me: ‘If you ever do that again, we’re through playing, you and I!’
“I was suddenly dumbstruck with a huge empty feeling in my stomach. No, I thought! I will not lose this opportunity to learn from a genius! And he was. Billiards is a vastly layered game of geometry, touch, feel, consistency and stroke. It is a beautiful game when played right.
“I reached into my wallet and retrieved a mood card. One of those credit card sized variations on the mood ring. You place your thumb on a certain part of the card and if you’re angry, it turns black. If you’re feeling good it turns a beautiful shade of blue/green. Much the way a polygraph works measuring chemical changes in your skin.
“I began to use this card every time I played. If it was black, I breathed deeply and let myself sink. When I got it to turn blue/green again, I was ready to start playing again. I used that card until I didn’t need it anymore. Much like astrology should be. I knew the signs and I knew when they changed.
“Whenever I got that feeling, I held the card in my mind and any hint of anger disappeared. I haven’t been angry in a long time. While reading your post here, I was wondering why I didn’t seem affected by Mars or the Saturn/Pluto square, and then it came to me. I may be affected by them, buy they don’t produce anger. But they do produce the grief you talk about. Maybe I’m lucky, maybe I’m not. Maybe I sublimate any anger that I feel but I don’t think so. I feel at peace…”
Jay writes this, reminding us of a good self-help tool—tapping.
“Did you hit on something! I too felt such rage today. I went to get my mail and the mail carrier had the radio on to a talk show – initials RL – he’s a very good button pusher for me. Anyhow I vented just a bit, then when I got back to my apartment, I realized that this rage was still surging into my head – and I couldn’t control it.
“So I lay down and did TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique) and I started to cry a lot. I was feeling such frustration at the injustice, all the lies being told, the stupid sensationalism of our news, all the obstruction in the way of helping those in need, all the corruption, and greed, and war, and it’s not right and it’s not fair. I wanted it all to end. I want peace. I want everyone to have enough food, a job, a safe home and yes, free health insurance. And I want us to all care about each other and live in peace.
“I’m glad I had an opportunity to release this energy safely. So thank you and thank the planetary energies. I’m so grateful for the awareness. We have to let this all surface and release, so there’s room for all the good to come in. Namaste”
Thanks for sharing, Jay, and especially thanks for the reminder about Tapping. Look it up on the net, folks, it’s a self-help tool derived from the acupuncture points, and it can really help with releasing the emotions we’re being flooded by. (There’s one article about it on this blog, and you can follow the links in it to more: EFT-Another Self-Help tool for Freedom from Fear.) Oddly enough, I’d learned some of the technique long ago, and found myself vigorously tapping on my heart center yesterday, and it didn’t even occur to me that I was tapping. Donna
E.J. Runyon writes:
“Perhaps It is my natal planet placements, or just the fact that rage has been in my life from the time I was small, and I’ve consciously turned from expressing myself though it (winning way more than losing at that) but I am not feeling this group of transits as rage as much as a need for action, discipline and change. An impatience for moving. Is that possible, Donna? “For those who know how to read this stuff – here is what I’m talking about:
Transiting Mars in my 2nd is conjunct both my 2H Mar and 3H Pluto in Leo.
Transiting Pluto in my 6H/7H is trine my Natal Pluto and the only harder aspect is that Tr Pluto is sesquiquadrate Natal Mars.
Plus the Natal Saturn and Pluto are in a T-Square w/my Pisces Moon (9H).
“Yes, I’ve had no money or food or heat or job prospects since October, but I’ve been writing like my life were renewed and mine for the taking.
I wake every day knowing that because of my current circumstances I’m living a life much like my childhood- of deprivation- and I just know that this time through I see the reason for it, and I’m willing to bear it.
“Have I reached a alternate side to this energy, or am I just an old hand at how it affects me and that first ‘dark night of the soul’, pre-age seven taught me to work though this in my way?”
Hello, EJ, I so loved the courage and determination you’re displaying. Yes, there can be joy in the midst of rather harrowing Pluto transits—I’ve seen and experienced it myself many times, because we’re finally reaching a place of truth and surrender that is the forerunner of a deep level of healing. Donna
Related posts on this blog:
- Mars Alert—Code Red!
- Mars Mission 1: Mars and Conflict—Road Block or Productive Detour?
- Mars Mission 2: Anger—the Guard Dog of Denial
- The Astrology of Self-Justification
- In a Crisis? Rescue Remedy Can Help You through It
- Pluto, Saturn and the Blame Game—the Brat Backlash Has Begun!
- Purge Yourself of Pluto’s Negativity—Get Free of Bitterness
- How the Pluto-Saturn Square may Affect People born with that Aspect
- Stuck For What Seems Like Forever? Maybe Areas of Unforgiveness are the Cause
- Internet Find of the Week: New Resources for Healing Grief and Loss
- More Insights into Healing Grief and Loss
- Hope for Those in the Dark Night of the Soul
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