©2009 by Guest Blogger, William G. DeFoore, Ph.D.
Donna says: Dr. DeFoore has specialized in anger management and has given permission to reprint some of his blog posts about it on Skywriter. Here’s the first one:
It takes more guts, more strength and more power to do the right thing than it does to be angry and attack. You get angry because you don’t like feeling like a helpless victim to situations around you, but your anger only makes things worse. By having the courage to be kind and compassionate and work toward a solution, you are doing your part to make things better, thereby easing your anger and improving the situation.
Anger Management in the Home
Your home is very important! It is supposed to be your safe haven, your place of recuperation and rest–but all too often it becomes a battleground for too many people. These Anger Management Techniques are a good place to start:
Focus on what you love and appreciate about every member of your family, including yourself. I know that might be hard if you’re really mad–and that’s why it works so well! When you are successful at remembering what you appreciate about someone, it gets hard to stay mad at them.
When anger does come up, look for the pain and fear that is behind it, and try to address that. For example, a mother was having trouble with her daughter being cruel to her younger siblings. So, I suggested she say, “That really hurts when you act that way. You must be hurting too, or you wouldn’t be doing this. We need to talk and spend some time together so that I can figure out what is bothering you. This cruelty and unkindness is unacceptable in our home.”
Then, the mother needs to spend one-on-one time with the daughter to understand her pain and fear that is causing her anger and cruelty.
Create consistent, reliable structure that makes sense. Families that eat together, for example, are generally healthier physically and psychologically. Consistent bedtimes, coming home from work times, etc. also provide a sense of stability for family members who are emotionally unstable.
If it works at all for your belief system, attend worship services in the church of your choice. It has been found consistently that families that attend religious services regularly are more stable and emotionally healthy.
Keep in mind that no one of these techniques is enough alone–especially if someone is having big anger problems. All of them together, however, will definitely help!
Anger Management on the Job
As you know, many people get angry at work, usually for very good reasons. For example, you may be a victim of discrimination or some other type of abuse. You may be overlooked for a promotion, picked on or even sexually harassed.
Of course, it’s also possible that you get angry at work without good reason–the reason might be coming from home or your personal history. Either way, you don’t want your anger to cost you your job in these difficult economic times! Here are some ideas about what you can do to keep your angry healthy at work:
If you think you might be facing a workplace violence situation, either from yourself or someone else, act immediately–go to this web page and learn what you can do to prevent catastrophe or loss of life.
Find ways to feel good and have fun while at work. Take lunch breaks, share a joke with a co-worker, put plants and family pictures in your workspace, for a few basic ideas. The idea is, the more positive emotions you experience, the less anger you will have–or at least you might be able to keep it from being as big.
Final Tips: Keep in mind that you are a good person, with a good heart. If that wasn’t true, you would not even be taking the time to read this newsletter. Say positive, comforting things to yourself about yourself. Anger often comes from low self-worth, self-doubt, guilt or even self-loathing. So, it follows that if you can be “your own best friend” instead of “your own worst enemy,” you will be much better at managing your anger.
About the Author: William DeFoore, Ph.D. is an author, counselor, coach, consultant and president of the Institute for Personal & Professional Development. In his role as a Licensed Professional Counselor, Dr. DeFoore believes in the self-healing power of each individual, and he facilitates this healing with thirty-four years of experience in a broad variety of therapeutic approaches.
He has specialized in the area of anger management for the last twenty years, and in that time has authored two books, an E-book, and numerous CD programs on the topic of anger management, forgiveness and related topics. His book, ANGER:
Deal With It, Heal With It, Stop It From Killing You, is available on his website: on his web site: http://www.angermanagementresource.com. See his anger management resource blog at http://www.angermanagementresource.com/anger-management-resource-blog.html,. If dealing with an angry person is an ongoing issue for you, you can subscribe to his email newsletter or to his blog.
More Articles on Relationship Issues on this blog: See the category Relationship Help.
More Posts about Anger and self-assertiveness on this Blog:
- Mars Mission 1: Mars and Conflict—Road Block or Productive Detour?
- Mars Mission 2: Anger—the Guard Dog of Denial
- Resolving Conflicts – The Spiritual Way
- Battling the Bully – Standing Up For Yourself With Confidence and Assertiveness
- Saturn in Libra: How to Set Healthy Boundaries
- Libra Alert: How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
- Libra Alert: Personal Power & What It Looks Like in a Friendship
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