Posted by: Donna Cunningham | December 21, 2009

Saturn in Libra: How to Set Healthy Boundaries

©12-19-09 by Guest Blogger, Kachina of in2themystic

Donna says: I found this awesome, awesome article at in2themystic.  It’s such an important contribution for those who are struggling to learn the lessons of Saturn’s transit in Libra, in particular the visualization she presents for setting boundaries.  It will be of special value to those with outer planets like  Neptune or Pluto  in Libra natally  in major aspects to the Ascendant, Sun, Moon or Venus.  My thanks to Kachina for allowing me to reprint it.

Saturn (boundaries) is now transiting Libra, the sign of relationship, balance and justice, and boundaries in relationship have become the hot topic of the season. Boundaries and relationship go hand-in-hand, you just can’t have one, without the other. As Saturn transiting Libra is a collective influence, unless you plan to become a Hermit, this is an area everyone has to come to terms with these next 2+ years.

I do not see boundaries as ever being about the other person, they are always personal, and solely about You. People that lack healthy boundaries, are often inclined to playing the ‘victim’ and the ‘blame game’, they feel that everything that occurs in their life is the result of an others actions. Yet being in the space of victim-hood is not a fun place to be.

There is no happiness there, no joy, no self-fulfillment. Victim-hood is the residence of stress, and of anxiety and anger. Victim-hood harbors guilt, shame and self-disappointment within it’s walls.

Yet if you find yourself residing within victim-hood, you can make the choice to step out of those walls, and it really is much easier than you may believe. I am a firm believer that:  “No-one and No-thing can cause us harm nor control us in any manner, unless we allow it, to be so”. And this, is where boundaries come in.

When I assist others, in the area of boundary development, I often offer a visualization that I feel breaks boundaries down to the bare bones, and simplifies the subject, making it quite easy to immediately start building boundaries in your life, and enforcing them with others, even if you are one that has struggled with boundaries previously and are currently feeling dis-empowered in many of your relationships.

Before you proceed with this visualization exercise, there are a few points you must first set within yourself.

1. Boundaries, are born and nurtured, out of Self-Respect.

You have likely heard it said many times before that “To receive the respect of others, you must first respect your self.” A tried and true premise, for myself and many others, that have developed strong and healthy boundaries.

Love your self enough, to care about your own happiness and welfare, claim your equality in the Whole of Creation, and choose to step into Boundaries, as a symbol of your Self-Respect. Gift your self, with the same Love and Respect, that you gift unto others.

2. Boundaries are not about taking action against others. Boundaries are about defining what actions, you will and will not tolerate and/or expect, being preformed unto you.

We can not dictate the actions of others, but we can and should, dictate our own actions in a manner that is serving our Highest welfare. This is the concept of existing in a state of action, not reaction. When you have boundaries, a need never arises to be reactionary, for even if another challenges you in some manner, they cannot effect you, for they are not within your personal energy space.

By maintaining your personal energy space, and standing firmly within it, you are afforded all the time you need to respond to everything and anything, that approaches your borders. You determine, what you let in, and what goes out, not any other.

3. When setting boundaries, it is important to build upon a foundation, that you hold firm upon, in every relationship.

It is not uncommon to see that the people that have the most difficulty setting boundaries are the one’s that are complicating the whole matter in their approach. Boundaries are not easy to develop and set if you attempt to instill them in a one-on-one manner.

In other words, if you are currently feeling overwhelmed with many relationships in your life that feel out of balance, and you are feeling severely trespassed everywhere you turn, it is simply not going to be efficient to try to work each and every situation out individually and  with different rules for each relationship.

You are unlikely to achieve much success this way and will probably just get lost in all of that drama and confused about what it was that you were even attempting to do.

Instead, clear yourself to the best of your ability of all of your thoughts of any personal nature, concerning these existing unbalanced relationships, where you feel like the victim.

Just dump the ‘but he does this and should do this’, and the ‘but the kids do this and should do this’, and don’t forget, ‘but my boss did this and should have done that’.

Throw it out the door and let it go, at least long enough, to do the visual.

Visualization for Setting Boundaries

You are on a boat, just you, in absolute solitude.

You are peaceful and content in your solitude.

Your boat is adrift upon the waters of a lake, and not a single person is within the waters, surrounding your boat.

Surrounding the lake in the distance there is land.

You can see people standing on that land.

Yet the waters are broad and expansive so you cannot hear these people nor interact with them in anyway.

You, are happy and relaxed, and you really like your current state of being.

~~~~~~~

As you’re floating happily in your boat, allow yourself a moment, to make note of how this space feels, for this is the vibration that you wish to set within yourself, as your personal space.

This is your personal comfort zone.

This is YOU, within the energy, of Self-Love and Respect.

~~~~~~

From within this Space, now focus your attention towards the people standing on the land in the distance.

These people, are not literal people, in your life.

These people, are a metaphor and symbolic of experiences you have had or are currently having, that leave you feeling victimized and unappreciated.

One at a time, each of these people that are symbolic of your experiences, is going to enter the water, and swim towards you and your boat.

~~~~~~

Now envision your body, as the full containment of Self-Love and Respect, your body is your intimate personal energy space.

The boat in which you sit, is your extended personal energy space, this is your surrounding energy field, that protects and contains it’s precious contents,  You.

You have full ownership of yourself and the boat in which you sit.

The water that divides you, from the others on the land, is shared energy space.

This space is owned and shared by all equally, therefore, no one has any more or less right, to avail themselves freely to it.

~~~~~~

You are now in your personal energy center within your boat, and you notice a person from on the land has entered the water, and is swimming towards your boat.

This person is not anyone literal in your life.

This person is a symbol, of a behavior or situation (an energy), that you have experienced in your life.

~~~~~

Now recall and focus, on a situation or a behavior, that you have previously experienced with an other, that was not desirable to you.

An event that left you feeling bad in some manner.

As the swimmer approaches your boat and you once again feel discomfort as you did previously when in contact with this person that is symbolic of a behavior/situation/energy, affirm that you no longer wish to have this experience in your life.

Simply state:  “No, this is not an Energy(situation/behavior) that I deem to be for my Higher Good. I shall no longer accept this energy into my personal space, nor accept the projection of this energy, upon me.”

Now visualize the person, that is the representative of this energy you have just renounced for yourself, as having reached the water around your boat.

Yet because they are treading water they are unable to grab on to your boat or to reach you in any manner.

Take a moment to set your boat (extended personal space), as the no-cross zone, for the vibration of the energy you have just renounced.

From this moment forward, this renounced energy, shall never be able to enter your boat, unless you grant permission.

~~~~~

The swimmer that is symbolic of the renounced energy, is now treading water, but not touching your boat nor you.

The person is in the shared energy space of the water, so it is their choice to remain there as long as they like but this is of no concern to you, for they cannot effect you in any manner.

As long as you do not reach out to the person, and invite them into your boat, they shall not be able to enter your space, and after a period, will tire of paddling around your boat even, and will head back to the land.

Now the energy that this person symbolized, is far removed from you, and unless you intentionally focus upon the land, it’s presence is not even noticeable to you.

************************************************************************

You have now successfully redefined your boundaries energetically, and it was that easy, to do so! This visualization can be done repeatedly for every energy that you wish to set a new boundary for. The symbolism used in this visualization, with practice, becomes less and less necessary as a tool. After you have reset your boundaries for everything you no longer want within your space, flip it up! Utilize the visualization in reverse, with the ‘people’ representing what you DO want in your life.

When using it as an ‘open door’ for what you do wish to have in your life, remember to invite the beneficial person/energy into your boat, and set your intention then as:  “YES, I Desire and AM Worthy of, this Energy within my Life. I AM accepting of All Gifts of this Energy and I AM Thankful”.

It is then the choice of any person that carries that energy to adjust their energy to be compatible to yours, or to simply move on, and stay outside of my boundaries. They may or may not be conscious of what is happening, yet it does not truly matter. If their energies are not compatible, they will be repelled in some manner, likely feeling as if they just don’t like being around you for a reason they cannot identify or feeling a ‘nervousness’ in your  presence, and that is the end of it.

Donna says :This excerpt from Saturn Transit Libra> A Lesson in Boundaries: A Simple Visualization and Energy Technique for Boundary Development is one of many helpful articles on Kachina’s site.  Here are others she’s written related to this topic:

For More Articles on Relationship Issues on Skywriter:  See the category Relationship Help.

The Author says of herself:   I’m Kachina, the author of “in2themystic”, a place born of my passion for sharing with others my knowledge acquired from my experiences as a practicing spiritual medium and energies worker/healer. I am also a pupil and practitioner of astrology. As an aspiring writer, I offer my personal insights into areas such as consciousness development, self-healing and self-empowerment. My insights are offered from the foundation of my own life challenges and achievements and from the experiences of others of which I have assisted in their journeys through self-healing towards self- realization. If you are interested in contracting my services, please see my “Consultations/Services” page for a description of my area’s of practice. Or, or write to me here: in2themystics@gmail.com 


Responses

  1. Oh my! This is a wonderful message and one just about all of us can benefit from. I wish I had had something this clear and well defined to work with when I was struggling with this issue years ago.

    Even though I now have decent boundaries [I found it useful to think in terms of having no “hooks” for others to latch on to], this visualization technique has the beauty of simplicity.

    Natal Moon-Neptune in Libra conjunction in the 11th house.

    ********

    Donna, you ROCK at finding excellent guest posts!! Thanks!!😀

    • Thank you for this! Setting boundaries for myself has never come naturally to me…I have a Pisces Moon in my 4th, and Neptune Rx in my 1st. I’m just starting to draw some lines for myself instead of letting others draw them for me. Self-respect feel nice!🙂

  2. This is EXCELLENTLY USEFUL (I couldn’t think of a nicer phrase..)! Thank you.

  3. Great post! I loved it especially since it sings a tune familiar to my ears!…but I Have one single question that noone even so much as mentions it: WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE BOUNDARIES ARE ENFORCED?

    Have you heard of the expression: “good girls go to HEAVEN, bad girls go EVERYWHERE”?…well, people with no boundaries go EVERYWHERE, where do people with boundaries go?

    • Ah, Criss, you’ve hit on a good point, and one I should write about in some detail…maybe after the holidays. I’ve been through this stage myself quite a long time ago. When you finally are able to set boundaries and when you no longer accept psychic cords from others, there ARE consequences…albeit desirable ones in the end.

      What can happen is that relationships in which boundaries were routinely infringed gradually fall by the wayside or else must be reestablished on a healthier basis. If your relationships had mostly been codependent ones in the past, that can involve some fairly painful partings and you might even be somewhat lonely for a bit.

      Let it just be so, and use the extra time to refuel by doing the creative, spiritual, or career activities that got neglected in order to caretake the boundary-infringers. Rediscover yourself, in short, rather than simply rush to fill the time with new boundary-busting people. Chances are, you don’t know yet how to form relationships with good healthy boundaries based on common interests that bring joy. Or to recognize and not engage with people who don’t respect boundaries.

      Join a group or class around those creative, meaningful activities that feed you, and you’ll slowly build new ties as well as reconnect with old friends you couldn’t spare time for when the users had your full attention.

      Kachina, I know you’re following this discussion, so thanks again for letting us read your article. Please share with us your thoughts and experiences about what happens after those boundaries are solid. Donna

      • ‘Join a group or class around those creative, meaningful activities that feed you, and you’ll slowly build new ties as well as reconnect with old friends you couldn’t spare time for when the users had your full attention.’

        This is definitely true. I started making new friends with similar interests almost without effort once I extricated myself from a relationship whose entire dynamic was centred on ‘are we on, are we off?’.

        I’m still working on cord cutting other deadweight, so am finding this discussion very useful. I’m going to try Kachina’s visualisations.

  4. Donna,
    You’ve made excellent points in your response to Criss.

    As for the ‘side effects’, as you mentioned in correlation to current relationships and the removal of cords, I view as all of being a part of doing Release Work, which I also plan to compose an article on soon.

    Criss,

    I think people with boundaries, go more places, than people without.
    People without boundaries are more inclined to suffer anxiety,stress and fears/phobia’s,which places limitation on most parts of their lives. (Boundaries are related directly to the root chakra, which governs survival and your right to exist, an unhealthy root chakra can manifest as severe limitation in the form of the maladies above).

    When you have boundaries, you are imparted with a sense of surety and security, that eliminates limitation stemming from the sources that most find themselves limited by.

    I think it is common to believe that people without boundaries are wild and free, and have so much fun, but if you were to see them behind closed doors, or the internal battle they are experiencing to appear that way, you may see it differently.

    Take those with alot of Neptune: it is known that Neptunian’s are inclined to substance abuse. I feel it is also true that one that is loaded with Neptune can appear to be a carefree soul that lives it all..and yet, often behind closed doors they are gearing up with their substance of choice, to give them the extra sense of security they need, to go out there and ‘do it all’.

    I was once one of those people, and know many others that also, have had that experience.

    Now, as I mentioned earlier to Donna..yes, there is Release Work that comes with boundaries.
    As soon as I am able to address that issue, I shall share it with Donna and she may post it here if she wishes to do so.

    In a nutshell though..yes, you may lose relationships, but..these are usually the one’s that are severely unbalanced, and I personally think one is better off without all of that pain and grief.
    Many relationships though, will transform, into a whole new form.

    And too, the evolution of one, impacts the evolution of the Whole.
    One changes, and it triggers the changes of those in closest relation.
    If you feel you are bettering yourself, raising yourself per se, then there will be others in your life that will likely follow suit. We learn and grow together. For those really truly stubborn cases, well..that is when sometimes we must cut chords, and respect that they are where they are supposed to be, that is just right for themselves.
    Kachina

    • Wow, Kachina, thank you so much! You’re teaching us all such important stuff, so by all means I’m going to go right now and subscribe to your blog.

      In the interval between writing to you and getting this, I looked up “setting healthy boundaries” on the WordPress search engine and came up with tons of good stuff. Folks, Also have a look at the blog of Dr. Brian Grady, a Canadian psychologist of Buddhist persuasion. There are several articles there, but one of them just knocked me on my keister.

      He talks about 3 types of boundary setters, and one of them I am humbled to say fit me like a rubber wet suit that’s two sizes too small. It was the person who has learned to set boundaries all too well, to the point of being rigid about them. To put it into astrological terms, apparently, I recovered from being too Neptunian by becoming too Plutonian.

      YOWZA!! Man oh man, recovery from codependency is an endless process. Donna

  5. I loved the visualization! Thank you Kachina and DC!

    • You’re very welcome, nray.😉

  6. YOWZA!! Man oh man, recovery from codependency is an endless process.

    So true, so true. We have far more patterning for codependent behaviors than not. I know I sure did growing up because my mom was.

  7. Thank you, Donna and Kachina for your replies!
    I must admit I always look for what comes after the process of transformation because that is what scares me most.
    I can say that in the process of turning away from the Plutonian realm I have entered too deep in the Saturnian full of boundaries territory.
    This is why I often believe that people with no boundaries go everywhere, have most fun, are always happy and loved – which is probably just a reflection of my own wounds. Like Kachina said, the reality behind closed doors may differ greatly from the outgoing attitude they display in public.
    I really believe in ‘setting HEALTHY boundaries” because if they turn out to be UNHEALTHY you’re gonna have tons of walls around you that no one and not even you can demolish!
    Maybe the key word is MODERATION – a Saturnian word that is so HAAARD!

  8. Oh Boy does all this ring so true. I’m finally preparing to leave an abusive partner who has made me doubt the years of good positive work I did with my mercury neptune opposition squaring my moon. Fortunatlely I blessed with sun trine mars and saturn. But all my cancer stuff is a bit overwhelemd now with the thought of packing and moving SO MUCH STUFF I have accumulated and will need once I get my ownlife back on track.
    I never cease to be amazed at how clever people are at manipulation but I think I can finally see it. Thank you all

    • Patricia: Moving is a huge task for anyone, but I think we Cancerians find it especially difficult to pull up our roots. Here are some Bach flower remedies–available at most health food stores–that would may help:
      Elm for overwhelm
      Walnut for making transitions easier
      Centaury for people who are taken advantage of
      Gentian after a setback
      Rescue Remedy for crisis situations

      For information on how to take these remedies, visit Vibration Magazine online journal and blog. See the FAQ and use the search engine on each of the above to see which fits best. Don’t use them all at once. Vibration is at http://www.floweressencemagazine.com Donna

    • Patricia, and anyone trying to leave an unhealthy relationship: Part of the reason leaving an unhealthy relationship is so difficult is because there are almost certain to be psychic cords between you. See the new article on this site about cutting psychic cords under the category Relationship Help–in fact, you’ll find a number of helpful articles there. Donna

  9. With Saturn in Libra transiting now and even in to next year, and it’s
    approaching a conjunction to my 2nd House Jupiter, I am Really having
    to set boundaries on my spending. I had an nice inheritance that is
    by this time shrinking some, so I feel very insecure about the economy
    and if I’ll live longer than my money! It’s a unpleasant and restrictive
    feeling. What happens next??

    • Saturn is about getting real in the places we haven’t been responsible and careful. With Saturn transiting the second, it’s either learn how to live within your means or pay the consequences. Use the search engine for Skywriter, and put in “second house” and you’ll find a whole series about the 2nd and 8th houses. Donna

  10. There is nothing about Saturn in this article! Is this article only for folks who study some advanced form of astrology?

    Except for the introduction, the rest of it could have been part of any “visualize and get better” material … power of your sub-conscious … blah, blah, blah …

    I want to understand the role of Saturn and how that affects boundaries. Do you think you could add that separately to this article? It would help simple folks like me who are trying to get the astrological point of the matter.

    Thanks,

  11. That is a great tip particularly to those new
    to the blogosphere. Simple bbut very precise information… Thanks for sharing this
    one. A must read post!


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