©4-10-10 by Donna Cunningham, MSW
Celestina had been an astrologer for a long time—too long, really—and she was weary of the heavy responsibility of helping people make sense of their lives through the ever-shifting relationships of the planets to one another. She’d been all set to retire, but then clients started pleading to see her one more time so she could help them sort out this Cardinal T-square they’d been worrying so much about.
She needed a boost, so she decided to go visit a new store that had opened, Coyote Provisions. All the healers and intuitive consultants she knew had gone, but when she asked for details, they went all mysterious on her and just said, “You’ll see. You’ve never seen anything like the things they have there.”
And she hadn’t, she had to agree when she arrived back at the office just in time for her first afternoon client. She’d bought a brass lamp, already filled with oil. The store owner, Wiley, told her to try it on her clients–just have them make a wish and rub the lamp. It came with a money-back guarantee that all wishes would be granted. Due to the recession, however, each user would only get one wish.
Her first client was a tennis player who wanted to know his prospects for moving up in the league and whether he’d ever win a championship. He was an early Aries, and both Uranus and Jupiter were moving over his Sun at the height of the tennis season. She gave him a cautious yes, and then recalled the lamp, so she told him to rub it and make a wish. A winged creature appeared suddenly in a puff of smoke—she’d swear it was cigar smoke!
Her client rushed out the door to get to tennis practice, thankfully without a glimpse in the mirror at his strangely altered appearance. He brushed past client #2, who was slightly early and very eager.
A Cancerian, her main concern was for her only child, a son, and whether his grades would be good enough to get into college. Saturn was traveling through her 4th, about to enter her 5th, and funds were too tight for tuition, so he’d need a scholarship. It was part of the t-square with Pluto and Uranus, so she was going to need help from the lamp. She took it in wonder and rubbed tentatively.
Client #3 was late. Significantly. But he was major eye candy and worth waiting for. When he finally arrived, he was in as much of a cloud of smoke as that first fairy godmother. It wasn’t cigar smoke, but a tell-tale sweet smoke that told Celestina as much about that strong Neptune in his chart as she needed to know. Neptune was all over his birth chart and all over it by transit as well.
His main concern was his music career. How on earth was she going to tell whether those transits were about his music, his drug use, or some sort of spiritual awakening? She waffled a bit in the predictions, then handed him the lamp, which he immediately offered to buy off her for his music video.
The next client was the CEO of a small company that manufactured computer components for the military. He wanted to know the best timing for putting forth a proposal for a new missile part. Transiting Pluto in Capricorn was crossing his Midheaven, so even though Celestina was a pacifist, she had to agree his prospects were good. Unfortunately, she’d told him about the lamp beforehand, so she had to let him rub his oily hands over it. The godmother showed up in a cloud of dense, sulfurous smoke.
When the client left, Celestina was exhausted and glad her work was done for the day. How she yearned to retire! She picked up the lamp to clean his greasy handprints off it, and rubbed it absently. She jumped, startled, when still another winged being appeared, this time trailing wisps of delicately scented incense.
Other posts on this blog you may or may not find funny, depending on whether your sense of humor is as weird as mine:
- Clients Say the Darndest Things!
- Spotlight on Leo—a Tale of three Queens
- The Law of Progressive Annoyance—Mars or Jupiter?
- Hyperactive Jupiter Syndrome—The Down Side of an Upbeat Planet
- And You Thought Pluto Wasn’t Funny!
- Mayan Calendar Jokes: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the End of the World
- 10 Impossible Things—Do You Believe?
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Art credits: I can’t even draw a presentable stick figure. I created these comic strips from art I downloaded at Clipart.com., but I tweaked them and added the captions. Clipart.com is a graphic resource with over 10,000,000 graphics of all kinds by subscription. You can join for as little as a week and get unlimited downloads, including tons of zodiac graphics. The animated lamp came from Animation Playhouse at http://www.animationplayhouse.com/new/magic1.html.