Posted by: Donna Cunningham | April 12, 2010

Boundaries 201–More Tips for Neptunians

Skywriter readers loved Joyce Mason’s recent guest blog, Boundaries 101 ~ A Course for Neptunians , so much that the comment section is filled with deep and heartfelt sharing about how to deal with people who trample on our boundaries. That section has nearly 60 comments after just a few days and keeps growing.

This topic is one that we’ve looked at before, and so below is a list of articles available on this site about boundaries and related issues.  I hope you find the information helpful.  Donna

More Articles Related to Boundaries on Skywriter:

FREE DOWNLOAD: One of the chapters of my ebook, Counseling Principles for Astrologersgoes into codependency and its implications for practicing astrologers in depth.  Download it here: ch7 – codependency.

Update:  Diane Lang of Libra Seeking Balance has a great post on this topic: Observations: Neptune, Boundaries and the Drama Triangle .  In it, she discusses the triangular cycle of victim, rescuer and persecutor that fuels so many codependent relationships and creates bad boundaries.  (See an excellent explanation of these dynamics on Wikipedia at Drama Triangle.)

A question for readers:  What techniques have you used to set firm boundaries–especially those of you who can do it successfully without a sledge hammer?  Tell us how you do it in the comment section for this post. 

free astrology booklet by Donna Cunningham If this post was helpful, sign up for a subscription, and get a FREE EBOOKLET for Skywriter Subscribers Only: Mothers, Daughters, and the Moon, a 50-page excerpt from The Moon in your Life. Read more about it here: New: Free Booklet For Skywriter Subscribers! 

 If you’re already a subscriber and want a copy, forward the most recent email post to me at To sign up for a subscription, go to the top right hand corner of the blog and click on “Subscribe.”  Then send me an email with your subscription confirmation or an email post with a request for the booklet in the subject line.


  1. Oh boy, this was just what I needed to see right now. The new moon is setting up shop opposite all my Libra and… yeah. Feeling a little stomped on lately, or just feeling like I’m letting people walk on me more than usual lately.

    Thank you Donna, impeccable timing as usual!

    • Thanks, Shannon. We are all of us in the flow–what I call the Cosmic soup–and so it’s no accident this topic is up front just now. Donna

  2. I read all those responses to your first of these two articles. I was a very sensitive child, ended up with not one but two teasing nicknames because I was so different AND sensitive.
    I did grow up, I do have a great BS detector, I have a neptune score of 15, and Neptune is 6 degrees away from my exalted Saturn. maybe that’s why?
    I can generally avoid situations, but last year at a mini mart a man who wanted gasoline was getting really nasty with a young minority clerk who was unable to help him the way he wanted at the time. I could have remained invisible, but I finally said something like “listen to what the clerk said” and the man ended up spewing at me the most horrible combinations of anglo saxon curses. I was stunned. It took me a day to get over it, but I confess, I would do it again.

    • Brave of you, Mimi. I’m sure the clerk needed that support. I guess, to avoid soaking up the man’s rage, I would have put up a shield between myself and him, and also when I left the store, would have done something to clear out the man’s energy. For instance, create a bubble of light around myself and then spin the enerrgy vigorously down an imaginary drain. That way it wouldn’t linger with me. Donna

  3. Donna – I like the light rings around the wrists and ankles tip. Thanks! Will try it.

    Why wrists and ankles though?

    • Well, the wrists because energy flows out the hands (at least it does mine, having had a variety of initiations into energy healing). The feet, I’m not sure why, don’t remember. Donna

      • Could it be because you have strong earth or Pisces energy that it flows out of your feet

  4. Oh you asked for suggestions. I remember 2 useful articles by Into the Mystic Kachina – 1. the boat visualisation technique; 2. her ‘Who’s Garbage is in Your Bag, and Why are You Still Carrying It?’

    I found them both extremely useful. And I now carry around a Black Tourmaline crystal with me too. It helps with the negativity of office politics I find.

  5. I guess with Saturn in Virgo in the first house, I don’t really have a problem with people bullying me…my boundary issues seem to be with people that “need” to much. If a person is rude or too agressive, I can handle that; with people that need too much, I freeze because I’m so afraid I will hurt them. Any suggestions?
    I have Neptune in Libra in 2nd and Pisces in 7th.

    • To Donna from Donna C.: I think that Pisces/Neptune combination is easily pulled into rescuing and codependency situations. There are times when people really legitimately do need rescuing–been there myself at one point when I needed both hips replaced–but there are also people who are career victims and forever seeking rescuers. The capacity to discern which is which has been a steep learning curve over at least 50 of my 67 years, but I’m there now.

      Those who legitimately and urgently need a helping hand, I help to the extent I am able, but I no longer believe that I’m the only one who can do it. Sometimes, all I can really provide is information and suggestions about resources. Donna

      PS If you haven’t already downloaded my chapter on codependency which is linked in the article, do so and see if it helps.

  6. I have Pluto (in the 12th) and Neptune quite prominent in my chart (a score of 38 for each) and have always been prone to teasing/bullying. Just today I had an experience that I thought I had left behind since high school and it really upset me. My gut instinct in these situations is to shut down because I feel hurt and attacked for no apparent reason. It already cost me tremendous effort to verbally indicate that I didn’t find the comment in question very flattering.
    Having read this article and comments, I pulled myself together and typed up a polite and concise note addressed to the person in question, since it is someone I have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. We’ll see what happens, but I’m glad I stood up for myself and didn’t dupe myself into thinking it was only me being hypersensitive.

  7. Awesome posts. When I first started to read the article Donna, and it had spelled out victim as (J o y c e) I thought it was myself until I noticed the author was Joyce Mason. I also have a Pluto close to the Midheaven and Mars in Virgo so I am very focused on those little details. A namesake with similar issues, Wow. I have struggled with trying to understand myself. Finally, turned to astrology to find some answers.

    As most are taught the more positive side of a planet, understanding Neptune in this framework has truly finally been a help. I have Neptune in the Eleventh in Libra, the Moon and Mercury conjunct in Pisces in the Fourth, and Venus exalted in Pisces in the Fifth.

    I have been told having Jupiter in Sag in the Second, indicates financial giving to others more than I should. All have been so difficult in my life in my need for good friends and family that has been so very elusive. I have always ended up feeling like a rug that everyone just steps on and forget at some point, courtesy demands a thank you and that you give back in some way.

    Transiting Neptune is just leaving my Mercury now and it seems that over the last few years I am learning to say No. Still quite difficult as it is so part of my nature adding an Aquarian Sun to the soupy and airy mix not to step up to the plate willingly to help others in whatever way I can and must learn to “zip my lips and my wallet”. I will try to work on the light aura by visualizing scrubbing bubbles in a toilet bowl to flush all the negativity away.

  8. I have a very high angular neptune (mingled in a t☐ with ven, ur, jup and Chiron among other aspects). It is cardinal in the 10th so yes there is so much family dysfuctional history that I chose long ago to go to a ACOA meetings and never looked back. Mostly I have found that to create boundaries it is vital to first establish what I want them to be for myself, with no one else around. A first house n node helps here, I suppose. If I can’t get away I drift off and stop responding to stimulus to find that space. Once I have centered myself I can reengage but from a more integrated position. I don’t know what I’ll do exactly when the boundary invation comes at that point but since I am in a centered place I don’t worry. Right action comes of itself in that state. It might be holding up a mirror to who ever is shouting at me, making recordings of difficult “conversations” about what I ought or not to do, say, be, have and then playing these back as soon as the convesation is “over” to the person. They generally run away. Violent drunks and druggies I always say the same thing “I can revisit this subject with you after you have a your 6 month chip”. If they insist I am “trying to tell them what to do” I simply no, I am telling them what I am going to (not) do. The “But I love him, her, it them” and enabling them (which = co-depend- dance) is now out of the equation and I can feel safe and better about myself and love them from a distance, knowing they will hit bottom all the more quickly and return to me whole – and that if they don’t – knowing that to engage as we had helped neither of us. If you have a large looming neptune find a Dharma that works for you and damb the torpedoes.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: