©4-14-10 by Donna Cunningham, Joyce Mason, and Skywriter Readers
A current theme on Skywriter is Neptune, and exploring that foggy, soggy planet inevitably led us to a lively exchange about boundaries. Neptunians often struggle with making and maintaining good boundaries. They struggle—and yet in the process of learning about boundaries, a number of them have found valuable techniques and perspectives that they shared in the comment sections of several of the articles. One especially profound exchange began in response to guest blogger, Joyce Mason’s article, Boundaries 101 ~ A Course for Neptunians. Here are a few readers’ insights that were particularly illuminating:
Neptunian’s Psychic Sensitivity—Gift or Boundary Problem?
One reader says, “If I go with my gut on most things, I am always better off. When I second guess myself there are more problems. I can pick up on the problem people in a room. And I always seem to be able to read them better than most. I don’t fall for con artists because I am on alert when I meet people like this. I know when I hear BS.
“I also sever a relationship if people will not respect my feelings, or boundaries. It is easier than trying to play their games. It drains me too much. Dealing with them puzzles me also. I don’t want to be mean and I can’t seem to keep my cool if I do confront them. And rarely do I get anyone to listen to me anyway. So I end up always being angry around these types.”
Another notes, “One handy (yet at times very difficult to negotiate publicly) ‘gift’ I have is to walk into any environment and quicker than snot, know immediately if there is a person there with great buried rage.”
My reply: “We Neptunians are often psychic sponges, but I suspect the type of things we most easily pick up on are 1) connected with the Neptune aspects in our charts and 2) connected with the emotional potholes in our homes growing up. If anger was a dangerous sign in our family dynamics, we develop a kind of radar for that. If sorrow was a danger signal, we develop early detection tools for that. And so on. It’s a survival tool in a dysfunctional household.”
Navigating Neptune—Readers’ Takes on What Works
A reader ponders: “I have strong Neptune influences. It’s strange but I pick up on people’s “vibes” instantly. What they say is only secondary to what my impression is of them. I have to be careful of two things; 1.) Not having “eggshell” feelings about them. By eggshell, I mean being too fragile and getting my feelings hurt. In other words, developing a thick skin. There are a lot of morons in this world; 2.) Not sponging up the bad energy from people I spend a lot of time with. I have to admit, I’m not very good at this. I’ve had to work with very negative, dark, bad energy people. It can suck the life out of me. As much as I’m aware of my tendency to soak up vibes, I can’t maintain the force field forever.”
A reader cites Saturn as a good antidote to too strong a Neptune: “After years of people telling me I was too soft hearted, too sensitive, too thin skinned, and needed to grow a backbone, I finally got the message that being too ‘nice’ invites aggressive people to push your buttons. Lucky for me, I have planet Saturn conjunct my Moon, and found my way to draw the line and set boundaries for myself, even tho it was hard to do so. So I think using one’s Saturn is a must for all those with powerful Neptunian energy, because Saturn will help one say ‘enough is enough’, and ‘stop right there’ when people go too far with teasing, ridiculing, bullying, or whatever is offensive to you.
Another suggests, “With my 12th house Virgo stellium (sun, Venus, Mercury) I was thinking about the potential ‘antidote’ yesterday for myself — feeling at times like a hippo with its two completely different sets of ears — one hears above water, the other below water. My balance is better between the information I receive if I pay equal attention to info I get through my two sets of ‘ears’!”
Ways of Setting Boundaries against People who Don’t Get It
One reader advises, “I find that in order to set strong boundaries for a Neptunian the first thing is not to harbor any doubt about what’s happening and, secondly, to withstand the anxiety of meting out the proper justice. I used to hate hurting people but now I’ve learned to moderate it somewhat — and also I’ve learned not to care too much if someone aggressive gets singed by my fire.
“Here’s ONE good way to set limits: don’t say anything. Just concentrate on everything you feel and give the offender a look laden with all that icy rage. If you want to really take them for a loop, here’s a trick I learned from my mother when someone made an inappropriate joke around her. She would smile and laugh at first and then very slowly as she was looking straight into the offender, her smile would freeze then melt away into a frigid and cold gaze that she would then hold until the offender squirmed and walked away. It sounds very theatrical but it is VERY effective and devastating.”
Another respectfully disagrees: “We all know that responding with anger is just what they want and fuels their fire even more, and no response at all is often easier said than done. Simply KNOWING that we ARE the “bigger” person in the situation and having that essence SOLIDLY permeating throughout our aura or existence makes so much of a difference. It starts to actually deflect us away from those people in the first place.”
A reader ponders, “I wonder if the work on these issues has to be done before the type of event you mentioned. What I mean is that an experience such as that has come around in order to strengthen your boundaries – the test hurts, but encourages you to stand up and take notice next time.
“If you put the work in on yourself, you create an invisible vibe, or energy field that will no longer attract that type of experience – because you no longer need it. Just a theory really but I have noticed it working in my own life. Still a long, long way to go though!”
My reply: Good question. I think the work goes on before, during, and after, because boundaries don’t get established once for all time…they are situational and porous and need frequent reinforcing sometimes for a long time until they are firm.
“Too, I think what we are actually reinforcing when we work on boundaries is our energy field/aura. There are many, many things that can create holes in our auras (childhood abuse/codependency; surgery; accidents; addictions; alien interference; psychic cords; etc. etc) and when there is a hole, it seems to need a lot of work. “
Readers’ Suggestions of Resources
In reply to the invitation to share what worked for them, several people suggested books and internet resources. I must stress that I do not have personal experience of any of them. Look into them if they appeal to you, but keep your B.S. meter on, and if you sense that it’s not for you, pay attention.
“I ‘m taking an inexpensive online course with psychic physician Dr. Judith at the Daily Om called “Combating Emotional Vampires.” The course seems apropos to the subject matter of Neptunians and their boundary issues. I scored 62 on your Neptune test, so I think it’s a course that could be very useful to me!”
Another notes, “If you haven’t yet read Donna Eden’s book, Energy Medicine, you might want to add it to your bookshelf. She provides tangible & daily exercises to do that clear your energy field and strengthen the tears and other damage done from previous experiences. I found it invaluable!
“I stumbled onto Emotional Freedom Technique, (a.k.a. EFT or tapping) that even a 4-year-old can do. Same wonderful results- once the stuff is cleared out, the result seems to be that that kind of behavior may swirl around you, but doesn’t land. No idea how or why, but I love the effect!”
Joyce Mason, author of the article that inspired these comments, adds: “I’ve started reading an invaluable tool, a book called “Are You Really Too Sensitive?” by psychic Marcy Calhoun. I was introduced to Marcy’s work in an interview of her in Yoga Journal in the late ’80s. She has some exercises that involve declaring your space by saying your name aloud in different ways. This is the most powerful “decording” exercise I have ever used.
With her typical enthusiasm, Joyce re-joyce-es: “Wow! I want to scoop you all up and gather you in one place– the first of many meetings of the Empowered Sensitives! What a treasure trove of experience and ideas you’ve shared. I resonated with every single comment. You have done everything I hoped for by writing this article–got a dialogue going that is truly our own Boundaries 101 course. Thank you so much, and I hope to hear more from you both here on Sky Writer and my blog, The Radical Virgo.”
What about you, readers? Do you have any tips or resources for making sound and healthy boundaries? What’s worked for you, and what was your journey like? Give us the benefit of your experience in the comment section.
More Articles Related to Boundaries on Skywriter:
- What your Astrology Chart Says about your Boundary Issues
- Boundaries 101 ~ A Course for Neptunians
- Boundaries 201–Ten More Tips for Neptunians
- How Strong is your Neptune? Here’s the Score!
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Art credits: The images from this post were found at WikiMedia Commons. The sign for a town in the UK named Boundary, was uploaded to Commons using Flickr upload bot on 20:55, 22 May 2008 (UTC) by Victuallers (talk). Boundary of the fog (the hill comes out of fog in the higher altitudes). Rigi Culm, Switzerland is by Audrius Meskauskas. Boundary wall, Ensay. This wall extends across the width of the island is by Bob Jones/.