Posted by: Donna Cunningham | June 28, 2010

Missing Elements and How They Affect Your Relationships

©2010 by Richard Idemon

 Donna says: Here’s another excerpt from the writings of Richard Idemon, who was my main teacher.  His psychological approach to astrology influenced a generation of astrologers. He was a fascinating, witty, and profound lecturer. The Wessex Astrologer has just issued a new edition of his book, The Magic Thread and has given permission to reprint this brief excerpt. Here Richard is talking about elements—fire, earth, air, or water—that are singletons or missing altogether in our charts.

We project the missing element onto another person, and we attract that person into our life. The other person becomes a kind of catalyst, the alchemical catalyst that forces the precipitation of that element within us. Then, often, when the job is done, the person moves out of our life—and this may be the person that we think is the most consuming passion in our life.

 There you are—happily married you thought—living your life in an ordinary way, and along comes this person erupting out of nowhere, who destroys everything around it.  And you may give up everything for that person. Isn’t it interesting how many of the romances and Gothic novels are full of that kind of thing?  The ”Other” who comes along to shake and quake and transform me?

 In novels, they wind up living happily ever after, married forever. In truth, it doesn’t work that way. That person moves through our life like a flame, like an acetylene torch, scalding us and moving on. And it can come in a number of ways.

 In an Earthy function, it’s like, “My God, I’ve never been into my body as much as when I’ve been with you.”

 An Airy one is, “My God, I’ve never had this kind of communication. No one has ever understood me or sensed what I am going to say before I’ve said it.”

 Water is, “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m losing myself. My self-control is gone. I’m merging into this puddle”.

 When fire comes erupting in the relationship, the sense of it is, “I’m consumed. I’m enlightened. I’m awake.”

 Now the crash comes when the person moves out of our lives, as he or she inevitably does. If we marry the person, the projection has to fall apart, because it does fall apart once we’ve taken the package home and unwrapped it.

 This projected archetype that we have put into human flesh cannot live with us on a day-to-day basis, with dirty underwear and toothbrushes left on a sink. So, one way or another, this archetype must destroy itself.

It is at this point, when we come up against the boundary of what I call our basic ground or territory, that a chance for an emergence onto a new level of consciousness can take place.

 What happens in our society is that when we fall out of love, we look to fall in love again. So we throw away the old person and look to have that next feeling of elation, which is often triggered by our own missing element.

 You see, any kind of stress-related experience (and falling out of love is a very stressful experience) will evoke the missing element. It summons it out of the underworld.

 Do we always go out to find that missing function in a partner? Absolutely not. It’s to the degree that the person has begun to capture his or her own unconscious material—the stuff that has come up—and he or she “got it.”  It’s erupted, and I’ve managed to contain and hold it rather than pushing it away.

At that point, the person can move on within the relationship. The projection falls away, and it’s a painful period, but it does not necessarily have to destroy the relationship.

Donna asks:  How about you, Readers?  Have missing elements played a role in any of your relationships–romantic or other?  Tell us about it in the comment section.

See an excerpt from Richard’s other book, Through the Looking Glass: A Search for the Self in the Mirror of Relationships, here: Understanding Mercury-Moon Aspects.

(You might also enjoy Cafe Astrology’s Venus in the Elements: Fire, Earth, Air, & Water.)

This excerpt from Richard Idemon’s The Magic Thread: Astrological Chart Interpretation using Depth Psychology,  is reprinted with permission of the publisher, The Wessex Astrologer. Both books can be ordered from local booksellers, from Wessex Astrologer Homepage, and in the USA through Astrology et al Book Store & Metaphysical CenterAstrology Books at The Astrology Center of America,  Amazon.com, and Barnes and Noble.com.

About the Author: Richard Idemon gained a worldwide reputation for his highly provocative and original teaching style. He established the School of Astrological Studies, was a founding member of AFAN, and was affiliated with NCGR and the Jungian Society. He worked as an astrologer for more than 20 years, living in San Francisco, lecturing in Europe, South America, Africa, Great Britain, and the USA. He died in 1987 at the age of 49. (See Richard’s page at The Astrologers’ Memorial here: Richard Idemon.)

NOTE: If anyone has a tape of one of  Richard’s lectures, please get in touch with Liz Houle at the Astrologers’ Memorialso we can all remember Richard and his inimitable teaching style.


Responses

  1. My chart is fairly well-balanced, BUT, I have had relationship composites that have had singletons and missing elements.
    You really feel it when you are in a relationship and an energy you carry strongly is suddenly dissipated. Awareness can spring from something you never were able to ‘see’ before..like the ‘forest for the trees’.
    Incredible opportunity to further define one’s self yet both parties are likely under the same lesson and it can be extremely difficult if both do not see the opportunity for growth in such a unique form.
    Excellent topic as we approach Saturn/Libra again! Kachina

    • Thanks, Kachina. Doing these excerpts has put me back in touch with how brilliant and original Richard was. I’m so lucky to have studied with him for a couple of years early on. The two books are a great legacy. Donna

  2. Yes, absolutely! The only Fire I have is Mercury and S. Node in the 7th and I’ve always been attracted to fire types and married a Leo!

    • Perfect example of finding someone to fill in the missing element. Myself, I have only Neptune in earth, but when people ask what I have in earth, I tell them, “I have FRIENDS in earth.” Do I ever!! Really good solid earth types with a plentitude of practical skills, or else I’d never get by. I’m so clueless on a practical level. Donna

      • Ditto. But I’m attracted to people who have the earth elements that I’m missing. Too much of Virgo leaves me looking for the next earthy person to complete me…I mean, fall in love with.

  3. Pluto in Leo is my only fire. My husband was very ill for 3 yrs before he died and my thought was I’d like to feel that hot passion a least one more time. A year after he died A fire man blazed through my life it was very hot and passionate and then he was gone.

    • Great example, but anything but a great experience, Adrienne. I’m sure the point was to rekindle your energies, but double losses like that are hard to come back from. Donna

  4. Hi Donna – My example is slightly more specific, so I hope you don’t mind. It does involve an element, although in my case the element isn’t so much missing as it was repressed. For various astrological reasons – including the fact that ruler of my South Node, Mars, is retrograde – earlier in life I rejected, then projected certain qualities of my Aries South Node/8th, as well as my other two fire placements (Sag Saturn/4th and Leo Uranus/12th).

    When I was a kid, this involved fighting with my Aries brother. Then during my twenties, all of my most ‘passionate’ relationships involved Aries men, or men with their Mars in Aries. My best friend was also an Aries. All had very strong Aries signatures. I couldn’t fully own it in myself, so I attracted others who did, which in turn helped me to express those missing qualities. I rarely dated earth, or water, or air. Only fire.

    Eventually I learned to access my own fire and ended up happily marrying an earthy water guy with Aries intercepted! Ironically, I ‘fire’ him up, and he helps me feel grounded. Makes sense, considering the element I’m actually most in need of is earth.

    Good post, Donna. I hadn’t realized until now the additional significance of my fire planets being placed in water houses. Interesting . . .

    • These are excellent illustrations of Richard’s point. I’m realizing now that the great love of my life had a stellium in Capricorn and really grounded me in some important ways. Donna

    • Ditto, LB. My Mars is relatively weak and it wasn’t until after realizing that I attract extremely Martian people (with earthy twists) that I learned they were in my life to teach me to learn the proper use of Mars. E.g. how not to be bullied and how to assert myself without bullying others.

      • You’ve just described my relationship lessons. I have Mars retrograde in Pisces and I am attracted to men with a dominant Mars.
        Boy-oh-boy, have you ever nailed the part about asserting🙂

  5. With only one planet (Venus) in Water, that one in an Air house, sextile Mercury, and ruling the tenth, I’ve realized my writing is usually all about the emotions my characters feel. And yes, I’m working quite hard to move from “dogsbody” to “published writer.”

    • Writing is an excellent way to tap into underrepresented parts of ourselves. I wrote two astrological mystery novels and really fell in love with the pair of main characters. I miss them still! One of the mysteries, Hotline to Heaven, is available for free, along with a variety of other goodies, in the tab at the top of this blog that says FREE. Donna

  6. Hello Donna,

    Except for MC in Leo, I have absolutely no fire in my chart and of course, my boyfriend (of many many years) is pack with it! But is this common that we eventually resent what we have a lack of?

    • Yes, I’d say so–there is a certain kind of fascination, along with an incompatibility. Donna

  7. My only earth planet is my moon in Cap in a water house and I married a Triple Taurus with a Virgo moon. I get frustrated sometimes with his fixed-ness, but with all my cancer energy (3 planets) and gemini fickleness(2 planets) he “grounds” me and I get him up off the couch and moving. I sensed this was a lesson each was learning from the other. Fascinating article – Thanks again! Kim

  8. I have 6 Fire sign planets and Sun, Moon, North node, MC & AC in water signs.
    Air? Neptune in Libra.
    Earth? Jupiter in Virgo.

    A great many people over the years have ‘selected’ me as ‘their friends’
    all Earth types. – mostly Virgos. I sued to wonder why I seemed to ‘çall to them, then I found there are 15 or more midpoints in my chart – all in Virgo.

    Is it that the underlying energy – the center of which where my Fire signs were trining- were all stored up in those midpoints?
    and so they played out something I did not know I was emitting”?

    • Yes, it might well have been thast they were seeking out your fire to liven up their earth. Donna

  9. I have no earth in my chart except for Chiron in Taurus (and S node in Cap). I don’t really count these too much, the aspects with Chiron are interesting to ponder but it’s more of a societal placement I guess. I don’t resonate at all with earth types. There’s a lot of earth in my family and we just don’t get each other. I have very few friends with earth in either sun, moon, or asc. Men I am attracted to have always been very much quirky, flamboyant even, fire and air types, which I have a lot of (along with water). On the other hand I’ve never had a romantic relationship (arrgh! almost 29 years now) so I don’t know if maybe I’m attracted to what isn’t complementary for me? My Saturn in 7th seems (also DC in Virgo) seems like it could denote a more “grounded” partner.

  10. although you’d think my virgo sun and ascendant was plenty of earth, many of my planets fall in air signs, and uranus right on the cusp of scorpio is my only true water sign planet (saturn in cancer at 29 degrees 55 minutes – i count it as LEO/FIRE!).

    pisces rules my 7th and i only recently discovered (through looking back at my astro bank of friends, family & lovers’ charts) that most of the men i’ve been drawn to/had relationships with are capricorns and pisceans! even the few who aren’t have capricorn moon or pisces rising. i always felt i needed more water in my chart, but now i am realizing that earth is a much bigger draw than i ever knew.

    also, i just realized my taurus father has a capricorn ascendant with only jupiter in a water sign and my mom is a scorpio sun with scorpio ascendant with all but two (outer) planets in scorpio and leo, taurus on her 7th. water needs earth, earth needs water in this case! and maybe i am looking for some element of my dad’s ascendant through capricorns? i’ve also been attracted to many taureans, but those few have tended to be shallow and didn’t want to be seen with a fatty. my dad ALSO judged me on my weight. oh this is a whole ‘nother subject!😛

  11. Yes, agree Donna – a most interesting subject…
    But what about the modalities? For me, they are more relevant. I have a very balanced chart in terms of elements – but a strong emphasis in the mutables (Sun, Moon, Asc)……. I am in a relationship (7 years now) with a man who is absolutely fixed!! (Sun, Moon, Asc). My ‘all over the show’ energy – comes up against his ‘stuck like concrete’ disposition. It certainly brings up great cause for reflection on my own character – as I struggle with his resistance. We can agree to disagree, but in reality, our relationship is very much structured on ‘his’ preferences – ie, that everything stays pretty much the same; the ‘pattern’ we got into in the early days remains, (yes, including no formal commitment – he is a double aquarian after all)…
    It is frustrating for me, craving the new, adventure, freedom….. And yet, I also intuit there is a purpose to this. I feel I am finding my freedom internally – having my own little adventures…..within the safety and security of the ‘sameness’ of my relationship. Lots more to say – but probably personal enough. I wonder if anyone else relates?

  12. I have a stellium in Leo, fixed. I was married 12 years to a Cancer. Divorced. I then married a Pisces (25 years). Now separated. I have been hurt immensely.

  13. i have no water except for pluto in scorpio in the 7th and n node in pisces in 12-my soon to ve husband is a pisces with a scorpio rising! he is the river that brings life to my desert and we offset each other quite well-tho it helps that are inner planets are all conjunct or sextile with aries (him, my venus and asc) and gemini (my nerc and mars). our differences come from
    our moons being square-mine is sag and his is virgo.

  14. Including the lunar nodes, asteroids, part of fortune, and vertex, my husband has NO water. I have my Sun/Venus/Mars in Cancer and Neptune in Scorpio.

    Literally:

    We became best friends the day I invited him for Summer Solstice dawn swim in a misty lake.

    I introduced him to both the Atlantic and Pacific and was even able to get him into the water for some snorkeling in Kauai.

    Emotionally:

    “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m losing myself. My self-control is gone. I’m merging into this puddle”. Sounds about right; )

    • A lovely story from one who is the other side of the missing element and where it’s working very well for both of you! Donna

  15. I have no air other than south node in libra and have a gemini husband with sun moon mercury/ plus aquarius neptune, libra north node. We met one day and talked all night…haven’t stopped for almost fifteen years !

    • It’s so good to hear from both you and Mari that these missing element matchups can work out so well, no big devasting crash and burn type of breakups. With my Neptune in earth singleton, I do know that my FRIENDS IN EARTH friends and I are friends for life.

      In fact, thinking about it, my whole family scarcely had any earth. My father, brother, and sister had none at all. I had just Neptune, nothing to brag about. The only person holding the earth element together for my family was my poor Mom, with Saturn rising in Virgo. (The hypercritical way she did it just about put me off earth for life!) But she did grow most of our food and raised beautiful flowers. Donna

  16. Indeed, Donna, I have two elements that have one planet each, They are water (Venus) and earth (Mars). How’s that! I’ve been married twice, once to a Cancer with whom I had three kids; and the second to a Capricorn who helped me raise them and supported us as only a Cap. can. The love of my life was a Leo, to whom I was
    spirtually bonded but never legally tethered. I do prefer
    water and earth men always. I am an Aquarian and have
    never been interested in air men.

  17. I have no fire, but I’ve never been attracted to fire men – I prefer Taurus (the 7th cup is in Taurus, so perhaps that’s why), but I also get bored easily, so that’s a catch. But I work very well with fire sign people, they bring enthusiasm and inspiration to the table and we seem to understand eachothers way of communicating and humour. I’m very creative, but can be stuck on ideas and not see all the possibilities, and they usually do. (I have lots of mutable earth, and also water and some air).

  18. I’m a Fire sign, but have no Earth, apart from my midheaven in Taurus.

    I love to be near trees, and always feel at home when I’m in a brick building. Hmm…

  19. i am 4 fire ,4 water,water being ascendant and moon ruler,plus jupiter,uranus and saturn,i have chiron in cap..so hardly any earth..my boyfriend is air ,fire ,earth no water whatso ever…we both have our nodes in south cancer…almost conjunct..but are almost 20 yrs apart..we both have interceptions in 6 th and 12th house,myself in sagg and gemini,him virgo ,pisces…our mars conjunct in sagg…when i saw his chart i thought , interesting…and knew having no water was fated…it’s been more than 4 years,living together for one…quite the ride…his lack of empathy drives me crazy sometimes…his childlike attitude and centerdness (south node in cancer,encouraged by his aries asc)i can relate to:) i had a long term and children with an aries..and i have the same childlike feel ,cause of the same south node..but i feel like right now i am at the right place..and learning a lot :)i could go on …i’ve studied and understood our charts and still discovering ,i love astrology !! thanks Donna !

  20. I have no planets in Earth. As a young adult, I had a very earthy, Taurus (my Desc sign) boyfriend who, I felt, loved and supported me. He was so placid that I turned quite acid! My Gemini self talked and he listened. Period. After two years, I broke it off, because I was bored with him. Interestingly, I found him on LinkedIn this Spring. We exchanged a couple of email messages. Since he’s (common law) married, I didn’t want to continue, but at the end of each message, he entreated me to write again. So I wrote a cleverly worded account of my life in the ’80s, and he never responded. Just like old times, he can’t talk. I did the right thing in leaving him.

    As a middle-aged adult, I married a fellow born only eight days after me. So we shared the elements, except for his Capricorn Moon (had to get some Earth in!). Our Mercuries in Gemini yakked away and we argued the relationship to death. It seemed like we were too much alike.

    Now I want what psychologists recommend for a lasting relationship, namely, a partner with two-thirds in common and one-third different.

  21. I’m pretty balanced in terms of the elements. Including the ASC, MC and Chiron, I’m 3 in fire, 3 air, 3 earth and 4 water. But in looking at the few people I have been drawn to and I have their birth dates, it seems that like LB, in each encounter the theme has been about slowly releasing the element that’s been the most repressed. For me I think it’s been my 3 fire planets, 8th Sun/Mars conjunction in Aries and a 12th Leo Moon.

    What I’ve also noticed is that they have more cardinal planets than I and only 1 or no planets in fire. Hubby only has one planet in fire Pluto in Leo. I don’t know his birth time.

    • I imagine that what Richard wrote about the elements is also true about the modes (Cardinal, Fixed, and Mutable.) For instance, a person with nothing much in Cardinal might need Cardinal types to get moving toward goals, and a person with nothing much in fixed might find fixed types stabilizing. (Frustrating but stabilizing.)

  22. I forgot to add that hubby’s NN is in Aries in a wide conjunction to my 11 Sun 17 Mars.

  23. I have only south node and chart ruler Mercury in Water and my fiance has sun-Jupiter in Cancer plus Uranus in Scorpio. He has only Pluto and Asc and Midheaven in air and I have 5 air planets including my sun in Aquarius. So technically we both have singletons that are emphasized in the chart of the other. Really both of our charts are well balanced by element and mode. Maybe someday we will break up but our Saturn and Venus contacts are so strong I am quite optimistic and ready to go get married, despite this missing element factor!

    • Richard did say that some people make it work just fine, so long as they take responsibility for their own weaker element. Donna

  24. My husband has no water or earth in his chart.
    He is an Engineer and very unemotional and
    does not realize what another person is feeling.
    He does not laugh easily. I have always taken
    care of the finances since the beginning of our
    marriage 40 years ago. Once I asked him to take it over we ended up with overdraft notices
    time and again from the bank. He doesn’t want to
    worry about how the money is managed just so
    there is money in the account. There is no
    responsibility there. I have a Pisces stellium and
    Scorpio ascendant by the way.

  25. This is so true on me. I am short of water. I have only uranus in water sign of all my planets including ASC/MH. I do constantly attract water dominant people into my life — scorpio/cancer/pisces, every time I feel like/love someone, soon find that he is a water sign — not only water sun, usually he also has water sign in venus, moon, mars or asc…

    The guy I recently fell into, he has sun/venus/mars all in water sign. And he is short of earth –and that’s exactly me, I am an earth signs dominant woman.

    Another interesting thing is that even my girlfriends are mostly water — but almost all scorpio. I attract scorpio friendship, too!

    • Hi, Priscilla, thanks for sharing! It’s a perfect illustration of how it goes both ways, this elemental balancing. I have a feeling that many of the earthy friends who make up for my lack of earth are lacking in fire, which I have in abundance. Donna

  26. After reading this article and looking at my own circle of people, i started to wonder whether this could also apply when you lack a planet’s influence?
    When recently getting into astrology I found that many of the people i feel attracted to (in a friendly or sexual way) have a lot of sagittarius influence in their charts, including my best friend as well as my most notable love interest who both have the sun in sagittarius.
    I have a lot of fire in my chart myself (sun, venus in aries and asc, moon in leo) and strongly identify as a fiery ram/leo so I figured that must be why i feel so strongly pulled towards sag people. But now i have recently discovered that jupiter is very weak in my chart, and now after reading this article I do wonder if this is just a coincidence, as jupiter rules sag.

    Thereby, I have very little water in my chart (only pluto in scorpio and chiron in cancer) and also found that those two people plus a third person who has recently swept me off my feet (in a positive sense) all have mars in scorpio (for the love-interest and the third person on the cusp with sag).

    I really feel that it can’t be pure coincidence that i feel such a strong connection with these people in particular.

    kind regards

    • Hi, Tara, that’s a very interesting point, and I believe it’s true. I recall some years back doing a case study using the planetary scales on Matt Damon and Winona Ryder (while they were involved), and one of them–Matt, I think–had a Jupiter that was off the charts, while the other had a very weak Jupiter. I concluded that that might have been part of the attraction for the one with the weak Jupiter. Donna

  27. Hi Donna,

    I have always been extremely responsible, but as I look back I realize I probably am not grounded. I have 5 planets in fire along with fire MH. Three of my planets and rising sign are in air and two planets are in water, leaving me with no earth. I seem to always get along well with earth signs, especially Virgos. My husband had three planets in earth, but I’m not sure how he grounded me if at all. My daughter, a Virgo with two two other earth planets. Her Sun only makes one contact, Sun square Uranus. She is the one person whose earth sign I have so much difficulty with. I thought I was always in the run; she is a maniac on the run! I mean that lovingly, of course.

    How would I know how a person brings that missing element into my life?

    • I’m very much like you, Anita. On the planetary tests, I score very high on fire–4 planets plus the Asc & MH–and nothing but Neptune in earth. My dearest friends all are very strong in earth, and they keep me tethered, with amazing practical skills that they are so willing to use obn my behalf and with knowledge of how to deal with material things (insurance, budgeting, etc) that I haven’t a clue about. I can fake earth, but I need them. On the other hand, with my strong fire, I motivate and encourage them to move out of their inertia and comfort zone. Donna

  28. I have only Pluto in Air – in intercepted Libra in the 7th house – and the rest of my forces well-distributed among Fire, Earth, and Water. Pluto also appears to be my least-aspected planet.

    I don’t feel that i tolerate toooooo much airiness in people very well, if i’m going to be deeply and enduringly connected with them – oh, did i just give away the Pluto in Libra-ness of that point, haha! And very airy people don’t too well tolerate for long the intensities that i represent.

    If i can’t allow enough air to circulate–as in the romantic entanglements that really captivate me–i destroy the lovely thing. My intention is to find ways either to transmute this wasteful pattern or else just to scale down on the degree of blame i give myself for it. Platonic Plutonian relationships have worked out much better for me. Sometimes they’re airy people; sometimes not so much. I’ve definitely had significant love affairs and best-friendships with Geminis and Libras, and i’ve noticed some great connections with Libra North Nodes.

  29. I’m a

    sun is sag,

    moon in taurus,

    libra rising,

    venus in sag, and

    libra ascendant

    mars in capricorn

    ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

    I seem to attract Cancers and Scorpios (romantic relationships), The Cancer drained me, used me…
    Then I avoided getting too close (emotionally) too Scorpio, was afraid to get hurt…
    The Virgo complained about me, he said that I’m a cold woman…

    I feel that people with too much water element drain me…In general too much emotion drains me

    I get caught up with aggressive, over-sensitive, over emotional people…

    How can I break the cycle?

    Sometimes I think an earth men, maybe a Taurus would be good to me…But lol never met a Taurus in my entire life, where are they???

    FRIENDSHIP/WORK

    Also I have a great relationship (in terms of “shallow” friendships, with bosses and colleagues at work) with men, at the point of being favored, treated better without asking (I’m good looking but I’m no supermodel), they just like me…I have no idea…

    The women, ah…the women hate me…More than 2 women involved in the group I’m treated as an enemy…I lose…I’ve had problems in the workplace because of this…

    Had two piscies friendships that didn’t survive…we didn’t fight or anything like that…just went our separate ways…

    I’ve never been accused of being mean, it’s more a “you’re distant, cold”, because people find me pleasant but at the same time I’m like an island…I guess the “emotional ones” don’t like me because of that

    Although I have the ability to move on, forget them, and never look back…
    I want to have a lasting relationships…more balance in my life…

    I need help…

    Should I try to embrace the water element, but how?
    Should I try to embrace the feminine energy?What should I do?

    sorry for the long text…
    😉

  30. Wow. As the elemental test confirmed what I already knew (my utter lack of air), I started thinking. Many of my friends (including two I would consider “inner circle” friends) have Gemini suns or ascendants, or Gemini otherwise prominent in their charts. (Gemini rules my 11th house.) I married a Libra ascendant who embodies the balance associated with this sign, but he’s an Aries sun and they oppose each other. I had a few Libra friends in my youth, but I was scuba diving while they were splashing on the surface, as it were. We drifted apart, but no hard feelings; we just wanted different things out of our friendships.

    The sign that both attracts me and makes me want to smash things? Aquarius. I have a few in my life I get along with long-term, but it’s a hard row to hoe. At first, I love their agile minds and their different ways of looking at things (I have a rebellious streak myself), but after a while, I get the impression that underneath, they’re really saying “be yourself … just do it my way.” The Fixed element, perhaps, or the fact that I have so much of Aquarius’s Fixed opposite, Leo, in my chart? (Hey, I’m willing to own my part of the difficulty.) The Aquarius-heavy can push my buttons like no other sign, but most of the time I learn something from the experience. Either way, the association almost always ends. I’m in the process of easing out of another Aquarius association at the moment. I wish him absolutely no ill, but I’d rather say goodbye now before things go bad.

    • Can relate to what you’re saying about the push/pull quality of your relationships with people with scads of your missing element. I have a similar relationship with earth sign people, since my only planet in earth is foggy, soggy Neptune. I’m pretty clueless about a lot of practical matters, so they tether me down to the earth and help me sort out those kinds of things, and I’d be lost without them. I do love them, but sometimes they frustrate me with all the boring parts of what they want me to do.

  31. With a pretty noticeable lack of water in my chart (with double Sag for my sun and moon, five planets in earth, and a dominant Venus/Libra rising, I’d say the other three are really well represented), I have three separate times in my life been completely consumed by a relationship with a person who is water through and through. I’m a pretty friendly and open person and I happily maintain a good number of shallower friendships. My first “best” friend had a Cancer moon and three planets in stellium, my first serious boyfriend had a Cancer ascendant and a Scorpio moon, and the best friend I’ve ever had was a Pisces sun with six of his planets divided between Pisces and Cancer. Each of these three people struck me the second I met eyes with them-it was like I instantly knew that I had to get to know them. They were all huge influences in my life and taught me how to be more in touch with my emotions (or, more to the point, taught me that I have emotions). It wasn’t until I met my Piscean that I began to recognize myself as not only a part of society, but a person with needs, wants, and dreams (go figure). Each of these three relationships lasted about two years and ended dramatically, with a lot of tears and flung words. To be fair, I don’t think I had really cried before I became close to a person dominated by water.


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