© 1-30-2011 by Donna Cunningham, MSW
I enjoy looking at the best-seller lists in the New York Times and USA Today because they give me glimpses of what I ought to be reading but am not. That way, if I ever start feeling smug about my place in the cosmic scheme of things, it quickly dissipates.
Recently I was in a local metaphysical bookstore. As I waved away the thick incense smoke, I spotted a local best-seller list of astrology books posted at the register.
I paused to look, curious as to whether anyone had rushed a Debunk the Debunkers book into print about the so-called 13th zodiac sign, Ophiuchus, the “new” constellation that has suddenly appeared in astronomer’s telescopes.
Thankfully, there were none. I’ll be able to cash in on that bestseller from the last time astronomers “discovered” Ophiuchus back in the 1970s. I can retrieve it from the moldy stacks in the attic and maybe sell it for big bucks on EBay.
I found the bookstore’s Best-Seller list interesting, though in spots improbable and heavy on the self-help side. I’m reprinting it so you can search the internet for any that you or your loved ones need.
The top 12 are:
A Short Who’s Who of Aries Peacemakers and Pushovers
A Taurean Guide to Decluttering your Home—Now You Can Keep Everything!
Silent Meditation for Geminis—Learn to Sit Quietly for Hours at a Time
(It turned out to be one of those blank books. I bought two.)
The Cancerian Credo—Come Out on Top in Family Feuds: Outwit~Outplay~Outlive!
Humility Now! A Guide for the Glitterati: How the World’s Foremost Leos Pull It Off
(A richly-illustrated coffee table edition, in four easy payments of $50 each.)
Virgoan Visions: A Step-by-Step Process to Achieve Total Perfection
(People who bought this also chose The Where You Went Wrong Workbook)
A Libran’s Shortcuts to Decision Making
- Includes a CD with 10,000 Alternative Choices
- Plus a sure-fire aid—a coin with heads on both sides
A Scorpio Tells All. Really!
- Click here for an excerpt from Chapter 1: “Yeah, RIGHT!!”
- Excerpt from Chapter 2: “MYOB.”
- Excerpt from Chapter 3: “I can’t believe you paid $39.95 for this, Sucker!”
The Shocking Ignorance of the General Public: A Sagittarian Perspective on How to Set It Right
Capricorn Coaching: Give your Goals your All–and Why It Won’t Do Any Good
The Aquarian Kitchen—Household Hints for the Mildly Deranged
The Piscean Book of Pretested To-Do Lists
(Found on Amazon.com, only slightly used. The appendix features a handy list of excuses to suit every occasion.)
One of those bestsellers, I’m proud to say, was written by someone who’ll be familiar to my regular readers. My mean Aunt Bernadine wrote the book on family feuds, and, now in her late 80s, has been able to outwit, outplay, and outlive all her siblings and every one of her children.
PS. Does anyone at all know how to pronounce Ophiuchus? The way I’ve been pronoucing it, it sounds like officious, but that could just reflect the way astronomers strike me. And to think our fields used to be colleagues back in antiquity!
PSS. Tatiana.larina provided a link to a dictionary which pronounces words aloud. (Awfully for those with Mercury-Saturn squares, as they tend to mispronounced words.) It’s at http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ophiuchus?r=66 . In American English, Ophiuchus would be rendered: offa-you-cuss. (“Offa you, cussed astronomers!”)
Readers, are you writing—or telling everybody that you intend to write—an astrological self-help book that ought to be included on this list? Leave the title in the comment section, and when and if our Primary Procrastinator gets back from her networking luncheon with fellow procrastinators, we’ll bring it to her attention.
More Impertinent Articles about the Zodiac Signs:
- Why Cancer Isn’t a Popular Sign
- Spotlight on Leo—a Tale of three Queens
- WHAT IF….Virgos Ruled the World?
- What’s So Rare as a Day in June? You tell me!
- Why It’s Hell Being a Libra any More!!
- Put Yourself in Scorpio’s Shoes
- How to Survive Your Pisces Sweetheart
- How to Survive a Pisces Dad—and How I Survived Mine
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