©2010 by guest blogger, Amanda Owen
Note: The following is the second excerpt from The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve (Tarcher/Penguin) by Amanda Owen. See the first excerpt here: If I Accept the Gift, Do I Owe the Giver?
Are these statements familiar?
- People take advantage of me.
- I don’t get what I want.
- I feel taken for granted.
- I’m always there for others; no one is there for me.
- People don’t listen to me.
- I can’t count on anyone.
- The only way something gets done is if I do it.
- I know what is good for other people but I don’t know what I want.
Although it can be tempting to blame people for your circumstances, if you have not cultivated reciprocity in your relationships, I invite you to entertain the following statement.
The only possible match for someone who doesn’t know how to receive is someone who doesn’t know how to give.
Non-Receivers are drawn to non-Givers. In other words, the problem is not that you have been drawn to non-giving people, but that you are an inexperienced Receiver. The reason this is an important distinction is that you can’t control others’ behavior; you can only control your own.
You can learn to become a Receiver. I am going to show you how.
Do You Know How to Receive?
Definition of receptive: “ready or willing to receive”
I imagine you are familiar with the maxim it is better to give than to receive. You have probably been taught about the importance of giving. Giving to others can feel rewarding. Receiving can also. We are grateful when our partners are generous, our children considerate and our bosses appreciative.
Yet, how often have you turned away what people offer you, whether it’s a compliment, picking up the check at lunch or even an apology? How many times have you wanted life to give to you but found yourself saying, “Oh, don’t worry about me . . . I’m fine.” It’s the equivalent of the old martyr joke: “That’s all right. I’ll just sit here in the dark.”
What happens when you don’t have experience in receiving? You are likely to believe the following statements:
- Wanting something for yourself is unseemly at best and greedy and selfish at worst.
- You shouldn’t burden others with your troubles.
- People who achieve success without help are admirable.
- Those who achieve success while enduring significant hardship are even more admirable.
You are also likely to feel uncomfortable asking for what you want unless the following conditions are met:
- It doesn’t make others uncomfortable, upset, or angry.
- It doesn’t interfere with what people want for themselves.
- It doesn’t interfere with what someone wants for you.
- People agree with you.
However, when you are the one who wants to give, it’s easy to see how silly it is for someone to refuse what you offer, whether that is assistance of some kind or a gift. It’s frustrating! Interestingly, a person who rebuffs your help is often the same individual who frequently complains, “I feel taken for granted and unappreciated; no one takes my needs into account.”
What about you, Readers? Do these statements sound like you? Leave your response in the comment section.
About the Author: Amanda Owen’s research during the last twenty years into the nature of receptivity and its link to manifestation led her to develop a system that helps people manifest the lives they want by developing their capacity to receive. She reports her findings in her latest book The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, 2010) Learn more about Amanda and The Power of Receiving at www.ThePowerofReceiving.com.