©a really long time ago by Donna Cunningham, MSW
A contributor to one of the boards on ElsaElsa.com posted this excerpt from my out-of-print book, Moon Signs, The Key to Your Inner Life (Ballantine Books, 1998). I’d completely forgotten about it, but enjoyed it enough to want to share it with you. We could all use a laugh about now.
Vivacious, sexy, dynamic athlete, modest, too, looking for liaison with open-minded, admiring partner. I’ll be the best you ever had. Enclose measurements. Reply to ARMO.
Stable, practical, sensual individual seeks well grounded, earthy mate for the kind of marriage Mom and Dad had. Love food, kids, bargains. Enclose credit scores. Reply to TAMO.
Evanescently brilliant, funny, youthful androgyne wants relationship with three or four really clever people. Communication paramount. Enclose sample witticisms. Reply to GEMO.
Tired of modern relationships? Old-fashioned, home-loving, sensitive, caring, gourmet cook wants to put down roots, start family. Seeking mutually nurturing connection. Enclose family photos. Reply to CNMO.
Lucky you! Regal, glamorous, hedonistic lion available for the romance of your life, possible denful of cubs. You must be loyal, obedient, and appreciative or I’m back on the prowl. Enclose stamped envelope for autographed photo. Reply to LEMO.
Industrious, capable, helpful individual seeks faithful, disease-free mate. Other flaws no barrier – I’ll help you to reform. Details by mail; this is costing me. Enclose lab results. Reply to VIMO.
Yearning for amour? Romantic, refined, eloquent lover wants to make you happy beyond your wildest dreams. Needs your total devotion in return, but if you can’t, I’ll understand. Enclose diamond. Reply to LIMO.
Deep, passionate, intense, perceptive person after monogamous relationship, lifelong or beyond. Respond if you need me to put your life back together – no problem too difficult. Reply to SCMO.
Just passing through, but let’s get together. Bright, wise, well-read philosopher, witty and upbeat, wishes to expand horizons of companion/disciple. Reply to SGMO.
You probably won’t answer this, but at least I tried. Educated, ambitious, reliable professional seeks permanent legal commitment with qualified party. Enclose curriculum vitae. Reply to CPMO.
Thoroughly independent, unique genius, politically correct, computer-literate wants friend/lover for ennervating connection. I need lots of space. Enclo
se FBI file. Reply to AQMO.
Are you my soul mate? Creative, compassionate, whimsical, spiritual Being, a bit worse for the wear, seeks mystical union with similar. Your age, race, marital status, gender, or drug of choice doesn’t matter. Enclose dreams. Reply to PIMO.
More Astrological Humor on Skwyriter:
- An Improbable Best-Seller List: Self-Help Books for all 12 Signs
- Spotlight on Leo—a Tale of three Queens
- The Astrologer with a Magic Lamp
- What’s So Rare as a Day in June? You tell me!
- Maya Calendar Jokes: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the End of the World
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=))
I know these from your book, Moon Signs, and I’ve probably read them many times over. And I think they’re brilliant every time.
By: Cris on May 30, 2011
at 6:03 am
I think you’re the one that posted it on ElsaElsa–thanks, I had forgotten all about them and enjoyed them myself. Donna
By: Donna Cunningham on May 30, 2011
at 7:02 am
wish I were the one… but someone else deserves that credit. I’m just glad they showed up
By: Cris on May 31, 2011
at 9:39 am
These are great — laugh-out-loud funny! I often find that I remember the humorous descriptions more easily than the hide-bound ones. And they’re no less profound, perhaps even more so. Thanks for these. I LOVED my Scorpio — and man, have I lived that one!
By: Melanie on May 30, 2011
at 6:47 am
You’re so right. The humorous ones do stick in the memory, Melanie.
By: cj wright on May 31, 2011
at 12:13 pm
Thanks, Donna! I have a new understanding of what my Libra-moon mother and Sagittarius-moon father saw in each other. Their marriage lasted thirteen years; a phenomenal span, given the combination!
By: Mary on May 30, 2011
at 7:29 am
LOVELY :))
By: Gabby R. on May 30, 2011
at 11:10 am
Thanks Donna…this the first time I saw this! ha ha enjoyed. Even if I am a Leo I identified most with Aquarius. Sun in the 11th with Uranus score highest, so that makes sense.
By: Barehand on May 30, 2011
at 11:20 am
These are hilarious! Just the thing to brighten/lighten up the day.
Thanks for posting!
By: Valerie B-E on May 30, 2011
at 12:41 pm
very funny!!🙂
By: Mimi on May 30, 2011
at 1:38 pm
Great writing! I have Cancer Moon and some of this really hits the target! LOL!
BUT I have my Cancer Moon conjunct Uranus on the MC SO I’d edit it a bit for my personal configuration:
Tired of typical relationships? Old-fashioned (if you consider the 60’s old-fashioned), yet bohemian, home-loving, sensitive, caring funky cook wants to put down roots and work from home via the Internet, start a family of cats . Seeking mutually nurturing but independent connection. Enclose pet photos and your Facebook status. Would consider living in a cozy RV or houseboat or traveling frequently from home. Reply to CNMO.
By: MEL810 on May 30, 2011
at 5:22 pm
Oh, on the TV in the background, I have on H&G TV featuring beach homes!
By: MEL810 on May 30, 2011
at 5:24 pm
Love it, Meloh! Donna
By: Donna Cunningham on May 31, 2011
at 5:54 am
Loved, loved, loved! Favs: Enclose sample witticisms; for lifelong or beyond; enclose CV; enclose FBI file. Laughed at many, but hardest at my own. Love, VIMO
By: Karen on May 30, 2011
at 8:41 pm
super! loved every one:) xxx
By: Mary L English on May 31, 2011
at 1:12 am
just noticed the copyright for this thread! lol!
By: VR on May 31, 2011
at 10:21 am
A hidden funny.🙂
By: cj wright on May 31, 2011
at 12:15 pm
Hilarious! Particularly loved “Respond if you need me to put your life back together – no problem too difficult” by Scorpio. I know a few who fit the bill.
I don’t know what year this was written, but if it were after year 2000, Aquarius would probably ask to “Enclose gadgets and apps list.”😆
Great post!
By: Ajna on June 11, 2011
at 6:35 am