English for Astrologers--No Astrobabble Please

 ©4-7-10 by Donna Cunningham, MSW

Note: The following is an excerpt from Donna Cunningham’s ebook, Counseling Principles for Astrologers, available  from Moon Maven Publications. 

 I once asked a new client if she’d ever had a chart done before. She said, “Well, I went to this guy, and he­ wasn’t talking to ME at all! I couldn’t understand a word he ­said. I could tell that he enjoyed it, and that he thought it was a good reading. But he wasn’t talking to me at all.”

 No doubt, the astrologer believed he was communicating­ especially fluently that day. However, long strings of­ astrological jargon like quincunx, trine, solar arc, retrograde­ and t-square are not communication, they are obfuscation. ­Astrobabble creates unnecessary mystification and anxiety.­ Inundated with meaningless terms, all clients have to go on is ­tone of voice and facial expression, which they may well interpret as ominous.

If we frown in concentration, they may­ conclude things look bad for them. Our first responsibility during a reading is to make sure clients understand us. Only­ through meaningful dialogue can we help them gain a new ­perspective on their lives.

We easily forget how confusing astrological terms were to us ­in the beginning. It’s hard for us to imagine how bewildering it ­is for clients when we speak astrobabble. It struck me that it­ would be fun to substitute unfamiliar and irrelevant terms for ­our jargon and then to read astrologers’ charts using those terms. That way, they can have a fresh experience of how it feels ­when they bombard clients with jargon.

 I found some delightful words in Webster’s Dictionary and have dubbed them over the astrobabble. They are perfectly good English words,­ but the meanings assigned to them are arbitrary, for­ demonstration purposes only. We’ll call this Neo-Astrologese. Imagine that you go for a consultation, and the astrologer says:

“You’re worried about your job? I’d say you have cause to worry. Saturn is hoovering your Palanquin–wambles it from the 6^th. It’s holophrastic still, but in December the frenzel is huffish. In January, Saturn goes planetesimal,still wamble the Palanquin, and then it’s ratcheting until August. You’re not out of the woods until it flenzes and makes that final wamble in about November of next year.”

That was difficult to understand, wasn’t it? Not difficult­ enough, however. Words like Saturn, Mars, and Pluto have reams of­ meaning to us that the layperson can’t begin to fathom. When a ­lay person hears the word Saturn, it means virtually nothing, whereas astrologers have written whole books about Saturn. Therefore, let’s switch terms again, so your mind doesn’t have those associations to draw on.

Let’s call the Sun by its other name, SOL, and the planets­ by astronomical notations. Mercury is SOL1, and Venus is SOL2.­ The Moon, strictly speaking, is the satellite of the Earth (SOL3). Saturn is­ SOL6. Keep going, up to Neptune, which would be SOL8, and Pluto,­ which would be SOL9.         

Now, let’s try again. To more nearly re-create the client’s ­anguish, first work yourself into a total funk about your future. Then, have someone read the following paragraph aloud, with­ appropriate head shaking and frowning, while you sit squirming, with sweaty palms and a dull ache of dread in the pit of your stomach:

 ”Well, the problem in your relationships stems from that endarch between SOL2 and SOL7 in your 7^th house. Of course, the dihedryl from SOL6 doesn’t help either. Now, SOL9 is rostellating your Bicuspid, on top of everything else. It’s not huffish yet, won’t be until this summer. Before that it double ratchets and forms another condyl to SOL5, so that should help some.”

It sounds awesome and terrible, doesn’t it? All these incomprehensible and apparently not very friendly alien forces­ are messing with your life, and there’s nothing you can do about ­them. No doubt, you wish you’d never come for the appointment. At least beforehand ­you didn’t know there was all this double-ratcheting and­ hoovering going on. Like you needed something more to worry­ about!

  (If you’d like to amaze and amuse your astrology pals, the­ Neo-Astrologese glossary appears below. N ow they can share the experience of having their charts read this ­way.)

 Readers, are you guilty of speaking Astrobabble to complete strangers?  Are you so addicted to astrology that you can’t communicate without reference to signs and aspects?  Find out just how bad it is by taking  The Astrobabble Quiz, Joyce Mason’s hilarious take on the topic at The Radical Virgo.

Note: This has been an excerpt from Donna Cunningham’s ebook, Counseling Principles for Astrologers, available  from Moon Maven Publications.  Donna’s ebooks are $15 or 3 for $35.

 

THE NEO-ASTROLOGESE GLOSSARY by Donna Cunningham

                               Part One: Translation, English to Neo-Astrologese:    

 (NOTE: All of these are English words, found in Websters’ dictionary, but they have different meanings than are assigned here. The meanings assigned to them in astrologese are arbitrary, for demonstration purposes only.)

                        Ascendant                             Octachord

                        angular                                   bosky

                        aspect                                      arachnoid

                        chart comparison               rostellate (v.)

                        conjunction                          endarch

                        Descendent                           Bicuspid

                        direct, go direct               flenze

                        exact                                   huffish

                        grand cross                         double dihedryl

                        grand trine                          triple condyle

                        harmonic charts                bimorphemic charts

                        high focus, heavily aspected    meristematic

                        I.C.                                       Mazer

                        Midheaven                     Palanquin

                        Node(s), n.,s.             Phimosis, Phimoses, n., s.

                        opposition                   dihedryl

                        orb                                     frenzel

                        progression                     rogation

                        rectification                     zymosis

                        relocated chart                      nummular chart

                        retrograding (back over)      ratcheting, double ratcheting

                        square                                    wamble

                        stationary                           planetesimal

                        stellium                               multiple endarch

                        synthesize                          grizzle

                        transiting, transited           hoovering, hooverized

                        trine                                       condyle

                        t-square                                 triple wamble

                        wide (orb), but valid            holophrastic

 Part II: NeoAstrologese to English

 

                        Aspects:                                 (Arachnids)

                        endarch                                      conjunction

                        (Multiple endarch                    multiple conjunction or stellium)

                        wamble (n, v.)                            square

                        (triple wamble                            t-square)

                        condyle                                         trine

                        (triple condyle                        grand trine)

                        dihedryl                                        opposition

                        (double dihedryl                     grand cross)

                        frenzel                                     orb

Adjectives and Descriptive Terms:

                        huffish                             exact

                        holophrastic                 wide, but still operating

                        meristematic                  high focus (many aspects,   heavily tenented)

                        bosky                                      angular

 Pieces of the Chart:

                         Octachord                                          Ascendant

                        Palanquin                                           Midheaven

                        Bicuspid                                             Descendant

                        Mazer                                                 I.C.

                        Phimosis, N,S                                   Nodes, north, south. (true, mean)

Processes, Procedures:

                    hoovering, hooverized          transiting, transited

                        ratcheting                               retrograding

                        (double ratcheting                 retrograding back over)

                        flenze                                      turn direct

                        planetesimal                          stationary

                        zymosis                                  chart rectification

                        rostellate                                do a chart comparison

                        bimorphemic                         harmonics

                        rogation                                  progression

                        nummular chart                      relocation chart

                        grizzle                                     synthesize

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