And You Thought Pluto Wasn’t Funny!

©4-3-2010 by Donna Cunningham, MSW

 April is National Humor Month each year.  It’s celebrated by a variety of blogs and internet sites, often with elaborate April Fools pranks and hoaxes on April 1^st.  My post that day, Surprising Results of the Planetary Scores Contest was no hoax, nor was it meant to be an April Fools joke, because the real butt of that particular joke was myself.

We read and hear so many grim forecasts about the upcoming cardinal t-square of 2010 and 2011 that it’s time astrologers gave us something to laugh about. I’ve prevailed on several of my blogging buddies to join me in publishing as much astrological humor as we can during National Humor Month.  We invite you to join us—and to send us jokes, cartoons, and links to funny stuff on the internet about astrology. I’m starting with Pluto, and as you might have guessed, it’s a collection that leans toward black humor.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter because nobody listens.”
  – Nick Diamos in Quotes of the Day, clearly a Plutonian type.

  Steven Forrest, a funny man as well as wise, presents: After Sex Comments by Sun Sign:

                 Aries: “Okay, let’s do it again!”

Taurus: “I’m hungry–pass the pizza.”

Gemini: “Have you seen the remote?”

Cancer: “When are we getting married?”

Leo: “Wasn’t I fantastic?”

Virgo: “I need to wash the sheets.”

Libra: “I liked it if you liked it.”

Scorpio: “Perhaps I should untie you.”

Sagittarius: “Don’t call me–I’ll call you.”

Capricorn: “Do you have a business card?”

Aquarius: “Now let’s try it with our clothes off!”

Pisces: “What did you say your name was again?”

 Another great Plutonian piece in Steven’s Humor-by-Sign category is How the Twelve Signs Deal with Near Death Experiences.

Pluto Water:   A Skywriter reader named Marsha sent  this:  “We watched a PBS program on Pluto tonight. It was about its discovery in the 1800’s and a bit about how it got its name. They mentioned an old time remedy for constipation, Pluto Water. It was a strong laxative and not a favorite of Americans.  The motto was “If nature won’t Pluto will.” You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pluto_Water.”

 Karen Christino of YourWeddingAstrologer.com wrote a funny article in the April/May 2010 issue of The Mountain Astrologer magazine, “Will Marriage Change Him?”  She goes through the 12 signs to explain what your husband will be like 6 months and 6 years after the wedding. Here’s her take on the Scorpio husband:

After six months:  His occasional bouts of jealousy let you know he’s deeply in love.  His gaze reaches deep inside you like a magnetic field. 

 After six years:  He still hasn’t gotten over your dad’s unfortunate comments about his car (translation: penis) You suspect he goes through your underwear drawer when you’re not at home.

Are You True to Your Zodiac Sign, Scorpio? Take This Zodiac Quiz And Find Out! 

 Scorpio Joke Birthday Card Vintage Illustration from Zazzle.com plus t-shirts.

 Fun Stuff About Pluto’s Demotion from Planet Status

 If you like video games, you may enjoy Pluto Strikes Back, created by young Petri Purho of Helsinki, Finland at Kloonigames.  He writes, “What happens when a planet living on the edge loses its identity? It goes mad and releases its fury on to the unsuspecting solar system. Your job is to control the huge baseball bat that is circulating Pluto. Try to hit the meteors so that they will cause damage to other planets.” 

Here’s one of the many delightful astrological cartoons by S. A. Hopkins at Astrotoons | astrologic.us

 

My Space Blog at  www.myspace.com/dimodammit : A comic who calls himself Dimo Dammit rants,

“You only have yourself to blame Pluto:”  Sorry about your downgrade to dwarf status last week. But honestly, your sham could only last so long. Since your discovery 1n 1930, you have only completed 30% your rotation around the Sun. Get it together man! Over here on earth we do that kind of thing once a year. It’s no biggie for us.

” If you want to be back with the big boys, drop this whole “I’m a loner and a rebel with my elliptical orbit” attitude that you have. We like things nice and round in our solar system. Quit being anti-social, get to the gym, put on some muscle, and do some serious cardio. And do it before I have to throw out my paper mache model of the solar system that I made in 2nd grade. I got an A by the way.”

 I can’t draw at all but have taken to creating cartoons and illustrations for this blog by using clip art from Clipart.com, a subscription site with over 8,000,000 graphics.  

Saturn To Marry Pluto?

(the planet harris blog)  “Reading the headline to a story about Saturn’s new ring on the BBC website I wondered for a moment if NASA scientists were about to tell us that the planet has got engaged. Who could Saturn’s fiancee be? Maybe Pluto, upset by its demotion from planet to ‘dwarf planet’, is trying to win its way back into the inner circle of the solar system by aligning itself with the beautiful Saturn? This could be the cosmic version of Peter Andre and Jordan, without the fake tan and false smiles for the cameras.

“I only hope for Pluto’s sake that Saturn loves him for the piece of eliptically orbiting space debris he actually is, and isn’t just leading him on to gain a few extra column inches. A heart-broken (dwarf) planet is the last thing we need. What about all the dusty tears freezing into space? What if they began migrating inwards and eventually headed straight for Earth? Would Bruce Willis sacrifice himself to save us like he did in Armageddon? Or perhaps he could team up with Milla Jovovich again and kick planetary ass in a Fifth Element kind of way. I really ought to stop watching and reading so much science fiction, shouldn’t I?”

A cartoon (source unknown) about the fact that astronomers also proposed the Earth for demotion from a planet to a dwarf planet:

For the story of Pluto’s demotion and a surprisingly funny video by Neil DeGrasse Tyson, the man almost single-handedly responsible for it, see my article: Planet or Not—Pluto IS Something!   

Readers:  Please join in the effort to give astrology lovers something to laugh about this month.  Leave jokes in the comment section or send me links to astrological humor on the internet at moonmave@spiritone.com.  You’re welcome to steal the Celebrate National Humor animation.  I made it for free here: Logo Design and Button Generator Tool – FlamingText.com.  

If you want to stick around for the astrological humor this month, sign up for a subscription, and get a FREE EBOOKLET for Skywriter Subscribers Only: Mothers, Daughters, and the Moon, a 50-page excerpt from The Moon in your Life. Read more about it here: New: Free Booklet For Skywriter Subscribers! 

If you’re already a subscriber and want a copy, forward the most recent email post to me at moonmave@spiritone.com. To sign up for a subscription, go to the top right hand corner of the blog and click on “Subscribe.”  Then send me an email with your subscription confirmation or an email post with a request for the booklet in the subject line.