More Insights into Healing Grief and Loss

©11-16-09 by Donna Cunningham, MSW

So many people have recently lost jobs, homes, their life savings, a son or daughter in war, or something else of great significance—or someone very close to them has done so. There is so much sorrow and loss around us just now that if this were a humane society, today would be declared a national day of mourning.

I said yesterday that I wasn’t going to write about grief myself, I’d just send you to some sites that had information on some of the newer grief therapies. I almost got away with it, too, but then Pluto had a thing or two to say about that.

I woke up at 2:00 this morning with a rant going on in my head about the way we’re expected to deal with grief in the modern world, which is basically to ignore and suppress it. If we don’t—if we dare to feel—we’re subjected to tremendous pressure from our families, bosses, coworkers, and friends to GET OVER IT and stop inconveniencing them with our emotions and needs.

The Natural–and Healthy–Process of Grieving

 Let’s take a look at the process of bereavement and recovery from it that is natural, instinctive, and pretty much hard wired into the species homo sapiens.  We can see it in mourning customs around the world throughout history. We can know it on a deeper level if we’ve ever been through the loss of a loved one. I’ve found that people can’t fathom what another person’s sorrow really is until the time they lose someone who’s an important part of their heart.

Acute bereavement comes from deep within our being and not from the mind making a “rational” decision on how to handle it. For a major loss, the natural process of grieving lasts around a year—in earlier days, the bereaved went through an official year of mourning before they were expected to take on their accustomed responsibilities. They were given privacy and support to do so. They even wore special clothes or went through a series of rituals culminating in a one-year memorial. The Jewish practice of Yahrzeit at the death of a parent, sibling, child, or spouse was such a custom.

And how long is this Pluto-Saturn square within a 5° range? Just about a year. Therefore, if the square is activating an important placement in your chart, and if you’ve suffered a major loss, ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE, and don’t let anyone pressure you to hurry through it.

If it makes them uncomfortable, that’s just too doggone bad for them. If supporting you through the process is more than they are capable of, find support elsewhere, with people who DO understand that you need this time.

There are distinct stages to mourning, and we cannot rush those stages without suppressing the healing force that impels us through the stages by immersing ourselves in each one as it comes along.  It’s physical, emotional–even spiritual because it can make us pretty angry at a God who’d allow the loss to happen.

Yes, there’s a LOT of rage in grief if you look closer at the bereaved’s behavior, but we’re expected to stifle that emotion too because it’s just not politically or socially correct. Rage that isn’t processed can turn into bitterness.

As I mentioned yesterday, another thing that can happen with this transit is that a current situation can bring up a feelings about a series of  major past losses, one after another, as the transit goes on.  It’s said that every new bereavement carries all the old ones with it.

What Can Happen if Grief is Suppressed

Short-cutting acute grief is like going right back to work on a broken leg without having a cast put on it and crutches to walk with for a while. If you ignore a broken limb like that, it won’t heal properly, may not ever be strong again, and can be a source of lifelong pain. In many ways, healing from a devastating loss is like that—taking care of yourself is crucial to recovery.

Unresolved grief about a devastating loss can lead to a chronic sadness–a kind of low level depression that can last for years. When well-meaning people urge that a major loss be numbed with pills or alcohol, it can lead to a sorrowful outlook on life, a sense of resignation and hopelessness, even to apathy. (If you’re a follower of Eckhart Tolle’s writings, unresolved grief is a major contributor to what he calls “the pain body.”)

Having the courage to feel the sorrow and other emotions like abandonment or feeling gypped about a loss and to work them through can lead to new growth and freedom…even, at some point, to renewed joy and zest. That’s not to say you’ll ever completely stop missing the person or thing that was so dear to your heart, but you’ll be ready to start living again.

Related articles on this blog:

• Internet Find of the Week: New Resources for Healing Grief and Loss
• Purge Yourself of Pluto’s Negativity—Get Free of Bitterness
• Updates— the Mystery Girl, Bitterness, and Birth Times
• HEALING TOOLS FOR PLUTONIANS: TRANSFORMING THE SELF AND OTHERS

More Posts for your Pluto-Saturn Preparedness Kit:

• The Pluto-Saturn Preparedness Kit—an Overview of the Series
• The Pluto-Saturn Preparedness Kit—Part 1 (Houses and Areas of Life Affected)
• The Pluto-Saturn Preparedness Kit—Part 2  (Best Case/Worst Case Scenarios)
• Pluto-Saturn Preparedness Kit #3 –Setting Goals that Work
• Pluto-Saturn Preparedness Kit #4: Key Players in your Drama
• People who Misuse Pluto and Saturn—Don’t be Fooled by Scare Tactics!
• What Makes a Person Controlling? How Can It Stop?
• How the Pluto-Saturn Square may Affect People born with that Aspect
• From Clutter to Closure–Using the Pluto-Saturn Square

Related Posts for Using the Transit to Change Unwanted Patterns:

• Cash in on the Hidden Gold Beneath Your Fears
• Saturn Transits—What do They Mean to your Career?
• Understanding Healing Reactions or Healing Crises
• Stuck For What Seems Like Forever? Maybe Areas of Unforgiveness are the Cause
• In a Crisis? Rescue Remedy Can Help You through It
• Hope for Those in the Dark Night of the Soul

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