(c)1-30-10 by Donna Cunningham, MSW
Since we’ve had several posts this week related to boundary issues, let’s look at how those issues might show up in your astrology chart. The house position and aspects of Neptune and Pisces planets show the areas of life where boundary issues are most likely to occur—and the people you are most susceptible to. This is true of both natal and transiting Neptune.
Where Neptune is, the following conditions are likely to be true:
- It’s where you see people’s potential and ignore their failings.
- It’s where you’re likely to feel survivor guilt
- It’s where you worry more about people than they do about themselves
- It’s where you’re most easily taken advantage of
- It’s where you play out the victim/rescuer/enabler drama
- It’s where you find out they’re forever lying to you but you forgive them
- It’s where they swear they’ll do better from now on but don’t
- It’s where you lie to yourself and say they really do love you.
- It’s where you get high on “helping”
- It’s where you serve and serve until you suffer
Here are the boundary issues you’d see a few of the houses. With Neptune in the 3rd, your siblings are worse off than you and all your efforts to save them don’t work, so you have survivor guilt.
When it’s in the 7th, you married somebody with POTENTIAL because you were sure you could fix them. Now you’re attending Alanon—or should be.
When it’s in the 11th, you’re a friend to the friendless, befriending them and soaking up their suffering until you’re drained. (The word befriend carries the connotation of rescuing the strays.)
When it’s in the 12th, you’re probably volunteering at the soup kitchen and visiting prisoners and so you’re doing God’s work. Just don’t bring them home with you.
For a complete tour of the houses to figure out who you might be codependent with, see: A Who’s Who of your Horoscope–the Players in all 12 Houses.
Neptune vs. the Moon in Codependency: Neptune is the primary indicator of co-dependency in a chart. Some astrologers see the Moon and Cancer in that way too, but there’s a distinct difference. The Moon represents a Mom and mommy-role type of dependency on a nurturing female figure. This sort of connection is natural in childhood, and most of us unconsciously continue to yearn for that sort of nurturing as adults to a certain extent, especially if Mom is reluctant to give up her parenting role in your life. Cancer planets do show up in these charts, but perhaps it is because, depending on the Moon sign, Cancerians can be natural nurturers. (Moon in Aries or Aquarius? Not so much!)
Neptune, on the other hand, represents a toxic type of co-dependency that is more likely to arise in a disturbed family system in which one or both parents is alcoholic, addicted, chronically ill or otherwise nonfunctional.
As a survival mechanism, even the youngest children in such families learn to be caretakers of their parents and siblings in order to prevent the family from breaking down.
If the dysfunction persists, the caretaking pattern continues to distort relationships in adulthood, as the person is drawn to addicted or severely dysfunctional partners, family members, or friends to rescue and save. A codependent style of relating can prevail—especially patterns of rescuing and enabling.
These folks tend to live for and through other people in a highly addictive manner. They compulsively seek out people with serious problems that they feel responsible to try to fix, just as they may have yearned to do with their parents
Codependency and Career Choice: When Netune or Pisces planets are connected with the Midheaven, 10th, or 6th house, codependency can also show up on the job, with compulsive patterns of rescuing and enabling bosses or coworkers, or—especially in a service-oriented field—with clients. For all of us on a less than conscious level, the boss often becomes a kind of surrogate parent. (The Midheaven and 10th house represent not only the parents but also other authority figures encountered throughout life.)
Many of them gravitate to service professions, where this urge to help others can be constructive. Since people in service careers are exposed daily to their client’s sorrow and despair, compassionate servers may give their energy away to the sufferer without conscious awareness that doing so can become a source of burnout. The lack of self-care can lead to exhaustion and even hopelessness. They need to give themselves permission to treat themselves kindly and to rest.
Why So Many Become Astrologers: As it turns out, the field of astrology is one where adult children of alcoholics abound. When I began talking about codependency in astrology conferences, a great many of my colleagues confided that they also came from alcoholic families. A disproportionate number of our clients may also come from these backgrounds, even if they don’t talk about it. They come to astrologers, psychics, and other consultants looking for an answer to their inexplicable confusion, turmoil, and pain.
A major reason they come to us is that when you grow up in a chaotic, unpredictable household, predictability has its appeal! Another reason they’re drawn to us is that astrology and other such disciplines help ACAs solve that puzzling question of who they really are, as opposed to roles their families conditioned them to play.
Finally, ACAs and people from dysfunctional backgrounds may have a special yearning for spirituality, unless they’ve been so wounded that they wind up hating God. Those who had disturbed or addicted parents may have a strong need to find closeness with a Father/Mother/God who is loving, understanding, wise, and all-powerful and who cares deeply about them personally.
FREE DOWNLOAD: One of the chapters of my ebook, Counseling Principles for Astrologers goes into codependency and its implications for practicing astrologers in depth. Download it here: ch7 – codependency. (To order the book, go to Moon Maven Publications.)
More Articles about Boundaries and the Lack thereof:
- Feeling Drained by a Relationship? Cut those Psychic Cords!
- 6 Common Misconceptions about Boundaries in a Relationship
- Saturn in Libra: How to Set Healthy Boundaries
- Libra Alert: How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
- Neptune in the 11th House–Setting Boundaries in Friendship
- Letting Go of Survivor Guilt–Learning the Limits of your Responsibility for Others
- Neptune and the Cosmic Soup
- Libra Alert: Personal Power & What It Looks Like in a Friendship
- Difficult Neptune Aspects in Chart Comparison
- Pluto and Bullying: How to Recognize and Deal with It
- Battling the Bully – Standing Up For Yourself With Confidence and Assertiveness
- Relationship Patterns of Venus-Neptune Aspects
- Addicted to Anguish–a Sketch of one Neptunian Type
- Download a chapter on the houses here: AGSA ch13-houses
- Download a chapter on Codependency for Astrologers and Healers: ch7 – codependency.
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