Missing Elements and How They Affect Your Relationships

©2010 by Richard Idemon

 Donna says: Here’s another excerpt from the writings of Richard Idemon, who was my main teacher.  His psychological approach to astrology influenced a generation of astrologers. He was a fascinating, witty, and profound lecturer. The Wessex Astrologer has just issued a new edition of his book, The Magic Thread and has given permission to reprint this brief excerpt. Here Richard is talking about elements—fire, earth, air, or water—that are singletons or missing altogether in our charts.

We project the missing element onto another person, and we attract that person into our life. The other person becomes a kind of catalyst, the alchemical catalyst that forces the precipitation of that element within us. Then, often, when the job is done, the person moves out of our life—and this may be the person that we think is the most consuming passion in our life.

 There you are—happily married you thought—living your life in an ordinary way, and along comes this person erupting out of nowhere, who destroys everything around it.  And you may give up everything for that person. Isn’t it interesting how many of the romances and Gothic novels are full of that kind of thing?  The ”Other” who comes along to shake and quake and transform me?

 In novels, they wind up living happily ever after, married forever. In truth, it doesn’t work that way. That person moves through our life like a flame, like an acetylene torch, scalding us and moving on. And it can come in a number of ways.

 In an Earthy function, it’s like, “My God, I’ve never been into my body as much as when I’ve been with you.”

 An Airy one is, “My God, I’ve never had this kind of communication. No one has ever understood me or sensed what I am going to say before I’ve said it.”

 Water is, “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m losing myself. My self-control is gone. I’m merging into this puddle”.

 When fire comes erupting in the relationship, the sense of it is, “I’m consumed. I’m enlightened. I’m awake.”

 Now the crash comes when the person moves out of our lives, as he or she inevitably does. If we marry the person, the projection has to fall apart, because it does fall apart once we’ve taken the package home and unwrapped it.

 This projected archetype that we have put into human flesh cannot live with us on a day-to-day basis, with dirty underwear and toothbrushes left on a sink. So, one way or another, this archetype must destroy itself.

It is at this point, when we come up against the boundary of what I call our basic ground or territory, that a chance for an emergence onto a new level of consciousness can take place.

 What happens in our society is that when we fall out of love, we look to fall in love again. So we throw away the old person and look to have that next feeling of elation, which is often triggered by our own missing element.

 You see, any kind of stress-related experience (and falling out of love is a very stressful experience) will evoke the missing element. It summons it out of the underworld.

 Do we always go out to find that missing function in a partner? Absolutely not. It’s to the degree that the person has begun to capture his or her own unconscious material—the stuff that has come up—and he or she “got it.”  It’s erupted, and I’ve managed to contain and hold it rather than pushing it away.

At that point, the person can move on within the relationship. The projection falls away, and it’s a painful period, but it does not necessarily have to destroy the relationship.

Donna asks:  How about you, Readers?  Have missing elements played a role in any of your relationships–romantic or other?  Tell us about it in the comment section.

See an excerpt from Richard’s other book, Through the Looking Glass: A Search for the Self in the Mirror of Relationships, here: Understanding Mercury-Moon Aspects.

(You might also enjoy Cafe Astrology’s Venus in the Elements: Fire, Earth, Air, & Water.)

This excerpt from Richard Idemon’s The Magic Thread: Astrological Chart Interpretation using Depth Psychology,  is reprinted with permission of the publisher, The Wessex Astrologer. Both books can be ordered from local booksellers, from Wessex Astrologer Homepage, and in the USA through Astrology et al Book Store & Metaphysical Center,  Astrology Books at The Astrology Center of America,  Amazon.com, and Barnes and Noble.com.

About the Author: Richard Idemon gained a worldwide reputation for his highly provocative and original teaching style. He established the School of Astrological Studies, was a founding member of AFAN, and was affiliated with NCGR and the Jungian Society. He worked as an astrologer for more than 20 years, living in San Francisco, lecturing in Europe, South America, Africa, Great Britain, and the USA. He died in 1987 at the age of 49. (See Richard’s page at The Astrologers’ Memorial here: Richard Idemon.)

NOTE: If anyone has a tape of one of  Richard’s lectures, please get in touch with Liz Houle at the Astrologers’ Memorialso we can all remember Richard and his inimitable teaching style.