The Law of Progressive Annoyance—Mars or Jupiter?

©2009 by Donna Cunningham, MSW

I recently got a much-yearned for, long-needed, brand new refrigerator, something I’d  all but lost hope I’d ever see. I spent days celebrating it and even sent out e-card announcements to annoy my friends and family.

When I woke up in the night, I’d go out to the kitchen and open its door in the dark, just to experience the novelty of the light actually coming on. The old one hadn’t done that in a decade. I won’t even mention the bright blue duct tape on its handle these past six months.

The outside of my new acquisition was whiter than I even dreamed was possible in an appliance; the inside was roomy; and not one of the bins was cracked. When I slammed the bottom door—I AM a slammer—the freezer door did not pop open. I deliberately put off grocery shopping so that the spaciousness of it wouldn’t get filled.  Oh, yes, I was in heaven!

For a week. Then a phenomenon I call The Law of Progressive Annoyance kicked in. I believe it to be a natural law, and yet no scientist seems to cite it, so perhaps I am its discoverer, a distinction I’d proudly claim.

(The Ferengi—those big-eared, vertically-challenged guys on Star Trek—doubtlessly know it and would probably list it as one of their Laws of Acquisition.) It’s related to, perhaps a subset of, Be Careful What You Wish For.

You may be wondering what in the world The Law of Progressive Annoyance is. It’s the principle by which, once you fix something or get something new, the S/&*T adjacent to it commences to bother you, when it never did before.

And if you’re so foolish as to address that annoyance, it progresses to another, and so on.  In the case of the new refrigerator, for instance, the beat-up cupboards around it started to look cruddy, and I wanted them sanded and painted immediately. (Fat chance!)

What else suddenly got hard to take was the too-small kitchen table sitting next to it. I’d been thinking for a while—okay, a couple of years—that I should replace it with one that would more comfortably hold not just my meals but also my pile of breakfast reading, the past month’s junk mail, the glucose testing kit, and my makeup. It was a low-grade irritant, though, staved off by occasional purges.

No sooner was the refrigerator installed than the table became intolerable. I began drive-by garage sale cruising and checked out every Goodwill SuperStore in Portland, but no perfect oversized, all-purpose, reasonably priced table has yet presented itself.

I shall have to put my Manifestation Mojo to work on it. What has slowed me down is the fear—no, the sure knowledge—that once I find the table, I’ll start wanting someone to fix the sagging door on the hutch beside it, or, worse, replace that too.

Over the years since discovering the Law of Progressive Annoyance, I’ve learned to be especially leery of home improvements and deep cleaning.

Though housework was never my particular forte to begin with (Aries Moon), I  indulge in occasional bouts of it, only to deeply regret it.

Were I to scour the grease off the stove hood, then the grease on the cupboard doors above it would suddenly become an embarrassment, and I’d have to scour them too.

If the windows got washed, then the walls around them would look grimy and remind me how long it’s been since they were painted. If I got a new armchair, the end table beside it would turn tacky overnight.

The Law of Progressive Annoyance has proven to be a great labor saving device, for it has taught me to stifle those random impulses and just go read something. Yes, folks, Law of Progressive Annoyance is REAL, and if you should happen to trigger it, be afraid. Be Very afraid.

How would I characterize The Law of Progressive Annoyance in astrological terms? This is, after all, nominally an astrology blog. What planet would be its ruler? It is Jupiter-ruled, not the domain of Mars as you might infer from the name. Much-maligned Mars is so often the fall guy who gets blamed for Jupiter’s baser motives.

I firmly believe that Jupiter—not Mars—is the God of War, for it has spawned so many wars in the name of religion. The real motives behind most wars are Jupiterian—GREED and the desire to EXPAND.

Jupiterians seldom know when Enough is Enough. We want what the other guy has, so we find a reason to attack him that sounds noble…we call him an infidel, guilty of oppression and of crimes against humanity. That’s why we’re forever at war in oil-rich Mideastern countries but not in equally-oppressed but oil-poor Tibet.

Ooops, that tirade will doubtlessly get bleeped and removed from this post by nightfall. My detractors think I’m much too political as it is, although it’s been some time since a book reviewer accused me of being a flame-breathing feminist. I guess the statute of limitations has passed on that one.

The main difference between blogging and regular print media is that I can be as politically incorrect as I really am, with no level-headed editor to say, “Do you really think that’s wise?”

You’d be surprised at the stuff that gets posted on this blog when no one is looking and then yanked when I chicken out. If you want to know what I really think about world events, visit Skywriter when I’m writing this stuff, between 4:00-6:00 AM Pacific.

PS. A friend of a friend has recently dubbed me the Erma Bombeck of astrology, since I dispense advice and helpful hints along with humor.

I’d say that with this post I have solidly established myself as the Anti-Erma of astrology, since just about the only helpful household hint you’ll ever get from me is to avoid it whenever you can, and when you can’t, do it as quickly and simply as possible. (Oh, and the other one is to buy furniture that is painted white, because the dust doesn’t show up so much on it.)

They’re ones that always works for me, but less so for my visitors. Read the comments on this post, folks–they’re hilarious!

More Posts about Mars on this Blog:

• Mars—What Great Minds say about Its Functions 
• Mars-Pluto Aspects? Use your Manifestation Mojo!
• Johnny Depp’s Darker Roles—Where Do They Show in his Chart?
• Piracy on the High Seas and the Pirates among Us: The Transiting Mars-Uranus Conjunction
• The Transiting Mars-Uranus Conjunction, Last of 4 
• It’s Baaaaaack–The Mars Hoax! 

More Posts about Jupiter on this Blog:

• Hyperactive Jupiter Syndrome—The Down Side of an Upbeat Planet
• Jupiter in the 12th—When Does Good Luck Turn Bad?
• Why Saturn has as much to do with Luck as Jupiter
• The Jupiter-Neptune-Chiron Conjunction Hits the US Moon

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