Neptune in the 11th House–Setting Boundaries in Friendship

©2009 by Donna Cunningham, MSW

 The 11^th house of the birth chart is the house of friendship and peer relationships.  For people who have natal Neptune or Pisces planets in the 11^th, this placement often represents a major life lesson about boundaries. The 11^th house is naturally related to Aquarius and to Uranus, suggesting that true friendship happens between peers who give and take on an equal basis. When a friendship remains unequal over the long haul, it’s bound to be unsatisfying–at some level, to both parties. 

Neptune does represent compassion and a desire to serve the unfortunate, a true friend in need. And, Lord knows, who among us doesn’t have friends who are going through a terrible time in the current economic crisis? So, the willingness to pitch in and help in bad times is a wonderful quality.

A true friend, even when he or she is down for a time due to poor health or other trying circumstance, will try to give back in some way. When I was housebound for a time with hip replacements, for instance, friends took care of me and were an amazing support, but I did what I could to pay them back within my physical limitations. I helped one with a resume, looked up things on the internet for another, gave one a crystal she’d admired, had a look at people’s charts, or anything else I could possibly think of that they would like. No one is so down and out that they can’t reciprocate somehow, even if it takes awhile and a bit of creatitivy.

When carried to an extreme, Neptune in the 11^th can represent the person who habitually takes on the role of rescuer to people who are hopelessly mired in self-defeating behaviors like addictions or abusive relationships. Some of these waifs can even, sorry to say, be a bit parasitical because they are forever seeking someone to bail them out of the trouble they get themselves into.  You can never save people who aren’t working to save themselves–though people who are working hard to change a destructive situation surely deserve a helping hand and a bit of sage advice. 

If you have Neptune or Pisces planets in your 11^th, I wouldn’t know if this describes your disappointing friendships or not. I would just ask you to have a closer, reflective look at each of them in turn to see if you discern common elements in them apart from the ultimate disappointment.  Also have a look at how those relationships made you feel before they turned sour–what sort of “high” it gave you to play that role.  (Neptune does represent a variety of “highs,” not just limited to chemically-induced ones.) 

Neptune’s house position often shows an area of life where co-dependent relationships develop–codependency being a sort of addiction to rescuing the other person or deterring them from self-destructive behavior.  So, ask yourself as well whether you sometimes get hooked on helping. If you have a need to be needed, then being needed can become your drug of choice. 

If you’re struck in a draining pattern where friends are concerned, own your own part in setting up the imbalance.  You still need to meet that strong spiritual need to serve and teach, but rather than making it part of your personal life, why not do it more formally, say as a volunteer in some sort of social agency, adult education program, or community center. That way there is a safe and structured situation where there are boundaries. (Dyed in the wool Neptunians often lack a strong sense of boundaries.)

In your personal life, seek out new friendships where you connect through the more positive expressions of Neptune-like spiritual studies and creative endeavors like writing, music, or art.  In any outreach to someone new, however, be aware that your own habits are responsible for the imbalances in past friendships and without insight into your contributions to the situation, can repeat themselves in the choices you make in the future.    

See related articles here: Libra Alert: Personal Power & What It Looks Like in a Friendship , Venus-Uranus Aspects: Two-Minute Friends and other Modern Relationships, and  Saturn in Libra: How to Set Healthy Boundaries.

For more Articles on Relationship Issues on Skywriter,  See the category Relationship Help. 

More Posts about Neptune on this Blog:

• Boundaries 201–Ten More Tips for Neptunians
• Difficult Neptune Aspects in Chart Comparison 
• Planets Squaring the Midheaven—How They Affect your Career (Neptune)
• Relationship Patterns of Venus-Neptune Aspects: The Sociology of Thrice-Married Venusians
• Neptune and the Cosmic Soup
• Addicted to Anguish–a Sketch of one Neptunian Type

More Posts about houses the here:

• Download a chapter on the houses here: AGSA ch13-houses  
• Download a chart blank here:  Blank chart with house meanings.
• Download: Shovel-Ready Projects for the 12 Astrological Houses
• A Who’s Who of your Horoscope–the Players in all 12 Houses
• Pluto-Saturn Preparedness Kit #1—Houses & Areas of Life Affected
• Saturn Transits the 7th House—a Rare Interview with Father Time Himself
• Pluto in the Career Houses–The Power to Manifest or Fail for Spite
• Uranus In The Career Houses—“You’re Not The Boss Of Me!”
• Transits to the Vocational Houses–Temp Job or Career Departure?
• 7 Secrets You May not Know about the 12th House
• 12 Famous People with 12th House Suns
• Jupiter in the 12th—When Does Good Luck Turn Bad?

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