This series has brought me many new insights and much to ponder, in particular about the kinds of relationships those of us who are major introverts are prone to having. The isolation some 12th house types experience when we’re uncomfortable with being out in the world can make finding relationships where we feel connected and cherished so important that we’ll put up with all kinds of pain in a secret or codependent relationship.
I also often observe a deep sense of shame in people whose 12th house is prominent. We’ve already spoken about ways our extremely extroverted society tells us there’s something wrong with us. However, the shame can have a deeper cause. Often that sense of being unworthy comes from holding in family secrets that make them believe they don’t deserve love.
Note: If your 4th house or 10th house ruler falls in the 12th or if planets in the 12th aspect the 4th or 10th house cusp, it’s possible that you get into codependent relationships because one or both of your parents was addicted/alcoholic or otherwise seriously dysfunctional. If so, educating yourself about codependency can be the start of changing that pattern.
FREE DOWNLOAD: One of the chapters of my ebook, Counseling Principles for Astrologers explores relationship patterns of adult children of alcoholics, plus codependency and its implications for practicing astrologers in depth. Download it here: ch7 – codependency.
At the same time that some of us suffer with those feeling of isolation, we’re pulled in two directions—part of us wants a deep love connection, but another part of us craves solitude and needs alone time on a regular basis. One painful outcome of juggling this set of conflicting needs is an unconscious decision to get involved with people who aren’t available or who are commitment phobic. Intense periods of merging are followed by crises in the relationship—anguishing break ups and heavenly making up. (Been there, done that to death, but am free of the pattern now.)
Another quality of many 12th house people is a sincere desire to serve, to do something to alleviate the suffering we see around us. But when our own unfulfilled needs enter the picture, we can become addicted to being needed, as it provides a relief from the sense of isolation and boosts our often-low self-esteem. Codependent relationships that spring from an urgent need to feel needed can readily turn toxic.
12th House-Based Relationships you’d be better off Kicking to the Curb: Secret connections, such as extramarital affairs. Drinking buddies, people who enable you and people you enable. Users and abusers. Secret enemies and those who undermine us—the part of ourselves that makes us our own worst enemy.
12th House-Based Relationships to Cherish: Spiritual teachers, inspirational speakers, and companions on the spiritual path. People who support your recovery from addictions and other self-defeating patterns. People you give to who give back by nurturing and supporting you when you go through tough times of your own.
CyberDating is a tempting way for 12th house types who don’t feel comfortable leaving their homes and going out to bars or parties to meet potential partners. We’ve all heard success stories as well as horror stories, so here are two good sites for learning how to ensure your safety: Psych Central – Tips for Safe Online Dating And Online Dating Safety Tips | Experience Online Dating – The Safe Way.
Articles on the 12th House and Relationships by other Astrologers
Here are some articles about Venus in the 12th by other astrologers who have a variety of insights and perspectives. If what they say about your own relationships fits, use it. If not, keep looking for some light on how to use the 12th well when it comes to love.
- Venus in 12th House | The Astrology Place
- Venus in the 12th house – Astrology in Depth (“It seems the most attractive people to 12th house Venuses are those that are unavailable.”)
- Jo Tracey Astrology » Venus in 12th house
- Love in Hiding — Venus in the 12th House « Healing Universe
- Relationship Astrology (2) Connecting from the 12th House
- The Composite Chart and the 12th House: The Ghost at the Door …
- Horoscopes of celebrities with Venus in 12th House – Astrotheme
The Complete Miniseries on the 12th house:
- 12th House People as Introverts: the Power of Solitude
- A Sensitive Guide to Planets in the 12th House—Guest Blog
- A Tool for Analyzing Your 12th House Sign
- Readers Ask: Q & A about the 12th House
- New Insights into the 12th House from our Q&A Session
- Interceptions, Progressions and Other Buried 12th House Treasure from the Comment Section
- Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about the 12th House—but Were Afraid to Ask
- A Book about the 12th House that will Help You Love Yourself
- The 12th House—Comparing Ancient and Modern Views
- 7 Secrets You May not Know about the 12th House
- Daybreak and the 12th House Sun
- 12 Famous People with 12th House Suns
- 80 Qualities of Venus in the 12th or other Venus-Neptune Combinations
- Jupiter in the 12th—When Does Good Luck Turn Bad?
- Transits from the 12th House to the 1st–Like Night and Day
Related Skywriter Posts about Releasing Toxic Relationships: